4 Am (#Wattys2019)

The Art Of Being Medacious

PG 13+ content ahead :)

"Above all, don't lie to yourself. The one who lies to herself and listens to her own lie comes to a point that she cannot distinguish the truth within her, or around her, and so loses all respect for herself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love."

I can't breathe. I feel pain. I wish I could feel something else additionally. Something   like Pity.

I reflexly elevate my head from the filled bath tub, choking out the water that has entered my system. My head feels heftily ponderous. I tightly close my eye lids endeavoring to efface pain. An equal amount of water splashes out of the bathtub as I rise.

I remove my ebony hair back from my face with both of my hands and get out of the bath tub. Water drops rolling down my body, a competition that which one would  leave my skin the earliest.

I wear my deep pink bathrobe.

7 pm.

That's what the message said. It's 6:23, I can be all pretty just to be spoiled by him at night.

Him.

The man who has all control over me. My Demon. My Saviour.

I get out of the bath room. Mom and dad haven't come back from the "Engineer's Day Party" a function me and my sister never go to, since 9th grade. I conjecture they'd be tardy like always.

Isabella and I have grown up to peregrinate to those things in which they bore you.

I enter my room, technically it's me and my sister Isabella's room but since she's somewhere not here, I can claim it.

I lock the wooden door of my purple room. The bathrobe automatically falls from my body, like leaves off a tree. I expeditiously wear the red push-up bra he relishes and a matching underwear, which I had already kept on my Queen sized bed afore the shower.

I optically canvass myself in the mirror. I observe discern, a dyad of dark brown eyes staring back at me. A pool of vacuousness with obnubilated sorrows covered with the effulgence of innocence which was gradually evanescing. All thanks to Aiden and yours authentically.

I am beautiful. Everyone says that.

But am I really?

Pink cheeks, which every middle school teacher thought was makeup, delicate nose, arched eyebrows, thick lashes, rosy lips.

What else do you require to be resplendent?

A heart I believe.

A heart that feels. For you. For myself. Something I don't have.

I can't look into my eyes anymore, I conjecture now I know why it's called 'falling in love'. Because you just fall, there is no end to the fall, its forever, unforgettable.

Taking a deep breath I abstracted the sleeves less pink frock with floral prints from the hanger and gracefully enough wear it. It hugs my curves impeccably and gives me a charmingly resplendent look. I wear a heart shaped pendant.

I wish I was genuinely the way I look. Dainty, inculpable and adorable. Tragic. Everything couldn't be the way I wanted it to be.

I dry my hair with the hair dryer and comb them. They fall till my waist. Wearing a pink hair band I apply waterproof eye liner. And check the time on the time exhibiter.

6:51. Good. Aiden must be down by now.

I smile at myself in the mirror, something I infrequently do. I wish I could smile more often.