I was kayaking with my brother and there were these two guys about 15 jumping in the lake. The lake is a mountain lake so it's like... colder than my heart. Really fucking cold. They were pussying out a lot.
They were standing on a dock and were about to jump in when my brother paddled over and told them sweetly if they wanted to hold on to his boat when they jumped in, he would stay there for them (these were total strangers). One of the guys said "fuck off" and pushed Logan's boat away with his foot.
So, naturally, I paddled to the dock, got off my boat and walked up to that guy to call him out about it in a hospitable manner. He turned around and I told him politely to please not swear at my nine year old brother because he was just being a nice kid.
He noticeably checked me out and said "you know, maybe your brother can fuck off, but you can fuck me." And they both laughed.
I smiled, walked up very close to him seductively so he backed up and was on the edge of the dock, looked him in the eyes and kneed him so hard in the nuts he squeeled like the pig he was and fell into the ice cold water.
