Learning To Trust Again

Chapter 1

Loud thumping enters my ears and I'm quick to register them as footsteps. The feeling of fear begins to spread within me because I know what's going to happen. I'm unsure of how long it's been since the beta of my pack, Jason, decided to "mess around" with me. He didn't rape me none of the pack members would ever think of doing so, I'm far too pathetic and disgusting to be touched in that way as they've all put it. My eyes are closed, for I prefer the nothingness to my unforgiving reality. The loud footsteps stop less than ten feet from me and I know who the scent belongs to all too well. It's a scent that was a part of my childhood, a scent that used to mean comfort and family. A small pang of sadness fills me but I'm quick to push the sad feeling away.

          "Open your eyes mutt." His words are filled deeply with hatred and impatience, and reluctantly I open my eyes. It only takes seconds for my eyes to adjust to the dimly lit cell that cages me. My cell is located in our pack's Holding Area where rogues, intruders, criminals, and me, are kept. The majority are taken to a trial in front of the Alpha, Luna, their Beta, their third in command, and some pack members, where their punishment is decided. I never received a trial but I doubt it would've made much of a difference for me.

         My cell is located in the very back of the pack's Holding Area, away from everyone else. The cells are made out of cement and the walls are just wide enough apart so that I can lay down on the floor without touching the walls. Bloodstains cover parts of the walls, and there's nothing in my cell except for a thin blanket. The sound of jingling keys turns my attention to my cell door, and my eyes land on my older brother, Dale. My body is already tightly pressed into the far right side corner of my cell, and I begin hugging my bare knees. I'm wearing a pair of cotton shorts, a plain gray t-shirt, and undergarments. My body tenses up and knots in my stomach begin to form as the fear sets in. I suppose some people get used to treatment like this after a while but I haven't. Every time any of my pack members come near me, the fear inside of me awakens all over again as if it were the first time.

           Reluctantly I force myself to look over at my brother, and he's easily opening my cell door. Turning my head away from him I look down at my folded hands in my lap. Scars are littered all over me and there are too many to remember what they're all from. The sound of my cell door opening and then closing is what I hear before his footsteps come near me. Instinctively I hug my knees tighter and keep my gaze away from him, not wanting to provoke him in any way. My brother's footsteps end a few feet short of me, and it's quiet for a moment.

         He then says, "You look tired." His voice is a softer statement and he sounds concerned. I know what he's trying to do, he's playing mind games with me.
          Intertwining my fingers in meaningless ways, I try to block him out before I hear him say, "Aza, are you ok?" Internally I flinch when my name is used by him because it reminds me of when he used to see me like family. The concern in his voice sounds so real and there's a part of me, the me who grew up with him loving me, that wants to seek comfort from him. However I know better than to allow myself to fall for these mind games, but it's all still excruciating. When this nightmare first began I used to fall for his mind games over and over again, but I know better now. He pretends that he still loves me and wants to help me, and right when I would believe him he'd break me all over again.

         Nothing is said for a moment and my anger begins to brew in the silence between each other. The way I've been treated by my brother and the pack has been going on for years now, but my emotions seem to never dull. Dale doesn't care for me just like no one else does in my pack who used to love me.

         Failing to not respond I say, "I can see through that untruthful statement so easily. You don't care about me. Not you or the pack." My voice is filled with deep emotions of anger as I say the harsh truth out loud.

         "You're ungrateful, you know that?" His words come out of nowhere and hit me unexpectedly hard. My parents were the Alpha and Luna of my pack, the Ash-Wood Pack. They brought up my brother and me to be leaders and to follow our pack's values and rules. I wasn't a perfect child, and looking back I wish that I would've appreciated it all more. His words held truth to it that constantly tears me up inside, and he knows that. Thoughtlessly I move my face and look at him, and my dark blue eyes land on his similar blue eyes. My brother's eyes are blue as well but his eyes have always been a few shades darker than mine. Staring back at each other I see his eyes consumed with a deep hatred, all of the concern and softness diminished from his expression.

         "How can you hate me so much?" The words get slightly caught in my throat as I look into my brother's hate-filled eyes. Tears begin to water up in my eyes that become clouded with deep pain. Without another word, Dale stands up straighter so that he's no longer leaning up against the cold cement wall. His almost-black brown hair is combed nicely and spiked slightly at the front, just as our Dad taught him. In two large steps, he appears in front of me and crouches down slowly. I know I've made a huge mistake by looking him in the eyes because I've been told countless times not to. I become tenser, and I stop playing with my fingers as my hands begin to tremble. Suddenly my head is whipped to the side, as a painful slap is delivered onto my left cheek. Hot tears fill my pain-stricken eyes, as the stinging sensation forms on my cheek. I reframe from crying because I know he wants to see me cry.

          "Don't you ever look me in the eyes, you pathetic mutt!" His words are coated with anger and I instinctively flinch away from his booming voice. With my heart racing, I go solely on instincts and try to move away from him. I find myself halfway crawling and scooting trying to find a nonexistent escape from my brother. Unexpectantly I feel my long dark brown hair being grabbed harshly and being pulled upwards. A hiss of pain escapes my lips and I bite my lip hard to stop from screaming out. I can tell that Dales' now standing but I try focusing myself on ways I can get my hair-free. To get free, I work on twisting myself around and kicking him anywhere I can reach. Surprisingly my legs manage to kick him in the gut, taking him by surprise and quickly dropping me. Hitting the solid floor pain spreads all over my back, but I try to focus my thoughts. Turning over onto my stomach I go to crawl to the other side of my cell in hopes to get distance between Dale and me. Before I even accomplish getting a foot away my right ankle is grasped roughly, and I'm pulled backward. It all goes too fast and before I know it I'm back on my aching back with Dale right above me. He lifts his large foot that's encased by a sturdy boot and smashes it tortuously into my soft stomach. The tears I've been holding back spill over and begin rolling down my red cheeks. Biting my lip harder the taste of blood enters my mouth and my body shakes violently. Another strong blow is delivered to my face by Dale, and pain explodes as his fist connects with my soft left cheek.

          Pain continues to blossom all over me as my brother continues to punch and kick my fragile body. I feel the desperation to protect myself fill me, but the pain paralyzes my body. At some point, I stop biting my lower lip, for it's bleeding much more, and the strength to contain my screams has been demolished.

         "P-please...please stop Dale..." I plead to him in an exhausted and pained voice, and I hate pleading to him. A growl is heard before Dale grabs me by my shirt roughly and pins me against the cement wall. My breaths accelerate as my heart races inside my aching chest. He keeps a firm grip on the collar of my t-shirt, my shirt's collar cutting painfully into the back of my neck.

          "You deserve no mercy or pity from anyone! You are the reason my parents are dead, and you will  never be forgiven for that!" Dale's voice radiates furry and I flinch away from his roaring voice in fear which controls my every move. His words are slowly seeming true because after years I'm slowly beginning to believe I am the blame for our parent's death. They were killed trying to save me because I broke the three simple rules they'd set for me. His fist flies before punching me painfully in the nose, a loud crack resulting from the impact. A loud painful scream, my scream, fills my ears and blood begins dripping from my newly broken nose. He carelessly drops me from his hold, causing my body to smack against the hard floor. I'm unable to register the pain as my nose throbs uncontrollably and the rest of my body hurts badly as well. With my eyes closed, I hear Dale walk to my cell door and open it before leaving me with what he's done. I gasp in the air around me as I whimper in pain. At the moment I don't bother trying to see the damage done to my body, for I'm too consumed with pain and exhaustion. Keeping my eyes closed I try to seek comfort in sleep, and soon I drift into unconsciousness.

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