You Must Go On. ( Tsubaki x Kousei )

The Lack of Music

The piano is thick with dust leaving the surface gray. The room is as bad as it was before Kouri came into their lives; books scattered through out it and boxes cluttered across the floor. It hurts my heart to see it in this state. It's as if Kouri never happened... as if Kousei had never touched the piano since his mother.
I creep into the room with a heavy heart. It's colder than I imagined and it stings my bare toes. Something about this room has me, and everyone else who remembers, gravitating towards it. It holds us in a metal grasp of what had happened, a constant reminder of the happy times. All of us except for Kousei. He avoids it like a plague, as if this portion of the house never existed. I try to ask him about it but he simply shrugs it off. Maybe it hurts him... maybe he has blocked it out of his memory.
I take a seat at the piano stool and it poofs from under me. Kousei will be back soon... I think to myself. I loved and hated this piano all at once. I loved how Kousei would play it, how happy he would be with Kouri as they played together. I hated that it always took him away from me. I was jealous of this piano. Now I just feel sorry for it. It had been two years without a single note being played. It had been two more years after having a false sense of purpose before it had been ripped away.
At first the lack of music coming from his house disturbed me and my mother. Sometimes I would see him sitting on the bench and crying, speaking about how sorry he was. I always wished that I could go to him, hold him close and let him cry... but I never did. I always stayed far away thinking that that would be best for him. I begged his aunt to visit him even Watari, but to no avail. He was just so broken.
I take a deep breath, my stomach feeling heavy as i gently place a finger against one of the plain white keys. "You've been so lonely, haven't you?" I ask the piano. It may seem silly but some how I felt that that was what was needed. I gently push it down, a soft sound coming from the keys. The sound, although simple, has a sorrowful tone to it. "You miss him don't you? Just like I do. You wish that he would come back. You wish that he would let Kouri go and return to you... but you're stuck. You can't do anything. You feel helpless. So instead you sit. A shoulder to cry on although you doubt he will take it."
I sigh deeply, taking my finger off of the hollow keys. My finger carries off the dust, leaving behind a beautifully white key. I turn to leave and notice a figure in the doorway, only slightly lit by the moon light. Kousei looks down at the floor, his shoulders slumped. Seeing him this way... it makes me ache. I stand gently, walking over to him slowly.
What do I do? How do I comfort him? What could I say? I'm sorry your girlfriend died, sorry I broke into your music room while you were gone, want a hug? I bite my lip slightly and avoid his eyes which isn't very hard as he refuses to look at me. "Kousei I..." Nothing comes out. I don't know what to say to him. So... I don't. I stretch out my arms to my sides and look at the ground, too ashamed to meet his eyes.
Kousei's eyes trail up my body at a painfully slow pace. He meets my eyes and my heart instantly breaks in two. Tears stream down his face. His eyes look so dull... so scared. He falls into my arms, letting me hold him. His tears fall against my shoulders as I stand, holding him tightly against my chest. He sobs against me, whimpering as if he was a child again. I stand and hold him gently, not knowing what to say.
"I couldn't save her." He whispers against me. I let out a shaky breath, looking down at him.
"Oh Kousei..." I whisper gently. I hugged him tighter, my heart in two. I loved him so much. I wanted to help him... I needed to help him... but I didn't know how. Could Kouri help him? Could Watari? No... being here... being with him is enough. If just for this moment, if just for now, her being with him is enough. This is what he needs. He doesn't need someone to make anything better. He needs what he gave her all those years... he needs someone to listen.