Colonel Seeders' Mail Order Bride, Hank

21 Michelle

Michelle wrapped her arms around Hank's neck, holding onto him, trying to make him believe that she would never be able to leave him of her own free will. She loved Hawk like a son after just a few days of knowing him. The bond between Hank and her would not allow her to leave. She felt closer to this giant man than she had ever felt towards her own parents. Nothing could make her leave him. Only the words spoken from his mouth.

"I am here to stay. Nothing would ever make me leave... willingly. Neither would I ever take my own life, willingly. You're stuck with me until you force me to leave." She thought of what they just did. "Uh, Hank. Is it possible that I might fall pregnant? We didn't use any protection."

His arms tightened around her. He pressed his lips to the mark he left on her shoulder, sending shivers down her spine. "Would it be a bad thing if you did?" he asked softly.

"Are you asking me if I want children? I thought I made that clear when I called Hawk my son. I've never dreamed of having children. I wanted to be the first woman to run a space station." She moved off his lap and settled between his legs on the soft carpet, with her back against his chest.

"When I first applied at Terra-Plurato, I never dreamed that I would be offered a place at the interstellar university. I did well in school for an average kid, but I didn't get honours like some of the students. Yet they still chose me. Ticky, that's what I used to call my sister, she got sick a lot, so I spent most of my time helping her while my parents worked. They never left us hungry or made us feel like we were a burden to them.

"When Ticky got bitten, I wanted to find out who did it and kill them, but I got the offer to go to university. My parents insisted that I go. They wanted me to make something of myself. I was meant to go home for summer break, but I wouldn't stop studying. Three days before everyone got back from their vacation, I got the news about the tidal wave, tsunami, flood, whatever they want to call it. Just like that, I had no parents, no family, no Ticky. Ninety percent of the human race had been washed away, killed by water. Since my money was in a bank on Earth, I no longer had any money. I had to work as a waitress to pay for everything, until I got the job at Space station GNT54-B12.

"I started as a mail sorter. Went up to become a manager of the mail room. Then they offered me a position in Beta-division as a data-capturer. I found some mistakes that had been overlooked and got promoted. In three years I worked my way up, until they gave me the job as Robert's... let's call it an understudy, since I basically did his job for him. They called me a Senior data-processor. I processed more data than Robert ever looked at. I did all his documents, stored all his files, cleaned his emails, messages, created new merits for the military and guards. I did everything right. And then he changed. He threatened to get me fired if I ever spoke up about him, what he did to me. Not one night did I go to my little room without bruises or crying as I tried to hold my ripped clothes together.

"One time I had to take a week off work to heal up. He had me strapped to a chair and if his wife didn't call to remind him of some meeting, he would have taken it further. I made it out with my chastity in tact, but my dignity was down the drain. The day I killed him, I was meant to go to an interview. He locked the door and stalked towards me. I threatened to tell his wife and that set him off. He tried to grab me and I lost my footing, slammed into his desk and hurt my ribs. After that everything happened so quickly. He slammed my head against the desk a few times, twisted my arm until it popped out of the socket. He had me pinned down, bent over the desk, but he still managed to get partially undressed. That's when I grabbed his letter opener.

"I only meant to scare him off, but he kept hitting me. He just wouldn't stop, so I stabbed him. Over and over until he did stop. I just couldn't stop stabbing him. For every time he hit me, I stabbed him. For ever time he grabbed my breasts, I stabbed him. For every time he rubbed up against me, pinned me to the desk, slammed my head against that fucking desk, I stabbed him. Over and over until nothing remained. Until I stood over him sneering and licking my lips and hating everything about myself. He ruined my life and now... I have no life. I have nothing left because I killed him. I am dead and people are still hunting me because I am a murderer and I should pay for what I did."

She heaved for air through her tears. Hank's arms tightened around her and she clung to them, needing their strength to help her through another day.

"You did what you had to do to survive. He would have killed you. Raped you and killed you. That's what they do. I've met one that couldn't control his urges. He had a wife and children, but he had to have more. He had to have what he couldn't have with his wife. He raped and killed five women before we stopped him. It was self defence."

She hook her head. "I shouldn't have-"

"It was self defence," he said louder. "Say it. It was self defence. You protected yourself. It was self defence."

"I can't. I shouldn't have killed him."

"It was you or him. You protected yourself. Did you say he could rape you, beat you, touch you, take you by force?" She could only shake her head. "It was self defence! Say it."

"It was self-" Her breathing became more erratic. She tried to get air into her lungs, but it wouldn't come.

"Michelle, say it!"

She pulled her legs up, gripped his arms tightly and whispered, "It was self defence."

"Again! Until you believe it. Say it again."

She repeated the words over and over and finally spun around and wrapped her arms around Hank's neck, sobbing.

"I'm being punished. He-he's punishing me... for not going to the funeral. For being self-selfish. I only cared about myself. I lost my family and my life because I only cared about myself."

"That's not true. You are the most self-less person I know. You did what your parents wanted you to do. They wanted you to be someone special and you are. To me. To Hawk. No one would have treated him with so much respect as what you have shown him. You took on his own uncle for calling him names. A man twice your size. You were not meant to be on Earth when the flood happened. You were meant to be in that office so that Sebastian could send you to me. I needed you and so did Hawk. Everything happens for a reason."

"I'll bring my bad luck on you and Hawk. It's already started. That man that followed us. The vampires. It's all my fault."

"The vampires are my fault. I should have killed Simmons when I had a chance, but I had to save a woman that he used to control her husband. The Whallestraton that I told you about, Frebasch, he did things you could only imagine and Simmons had-"

"Robert Frebasch? That was the man I killed. My boss."

"I thought I recognised that man at the restaurant," Hank said, pulling her up into his arms so that he could stand up.