Mingkit ~ A sudden rainy night

Chapter 11. A promise to myself

K: Hi, Beauty.

Beau: What took you so long to answer?

Beauty's voice seems a little bit annoyed. She's the jealous and insecure type who's afraid that I'm going to cheat on her with another girl.

K: Actually I was at Ming's.

Beau: Oh, why? You never go there.

K: Well, uhm...

I can't tell her the whole story. Nopety nope. If she knew the truth she would start screaming and crying and who knows what else she could do. I have to lie to her for now.

K: Ming yesterday fainted due to high fever and I had to bring him medicines on Wayo's behalf.

Beau: Oh...that's why you haven't been answering to my texts today.

K: Yeah. I had lessons in the morning and in the afternoon I went to Ming's.

Beau: I see...I hope he gets well soon.

K: So, how are you? How's going there?

Beau: I miss you so much, I want to come there but actually I think I'll be back a week later than expected.

K: Why?

Beau: My grandma's not feeling very well, so I have to stay home with my little sister while my parents take her to the hospital for various checks.

K: Don't worry dear. It's more important that you help them and stay next to them. It's a difficult time and they need you beside them.

Beau: I know, but I'll miss you more.

K: We have plenty of time to spend together, so don't think about me and focus on your family, okay?

Beau: What a great boyfriend that I got. I'm so lucky!

K: Don't flatter me too much or else I'll get used to it.

Beau: You deserve every praise.

At that moment I felt so guilty. Yesterday I was kissing Ming and now I'm having a kind of sweet talk to my actual girlfriend.

Beau: Okay sweetheart, now I have to hang up 'cause my mom is calling me. Talk to you later!

K: Okay, byeeee!

She hung up and I sigh. This is so tough. Why did I have to take the dumbest decision in my life? I don't want anyone to suffer because of me and look at me now. I gave hope to a girl who deserves someone better than me, someone who isn't as selfish as me who put his "safety" before her feelings. At some point, I will have to tell her the truth, but that's not now. She's already worried due to her grandma's health, she doesn't have to be sad because of me too. As I got out of my car and entered the shop to buy dinner, I made a promise to myself. I will take this week as an opportunity to think seriously about this matter and take a definite decision. I will be by myself, I won't see Beauty and I won't meet Ming, so I can think straight without being deceived by sweet words, some puppy eyes or cheesy pickup lines.

I return to Ming's room with some food and he still has the same sad look as before. Does he really have to be that sulky over a phone call? I should be the one mad at him for pinning me to his bed.

K: We should eat this before it gets too cold.

M: I already set the table, put the bags there, I'll take some dishes.

K: You don't need to, we can eat the food from the container.

M: If you say so...

We start eating and there's an awkward silence. Wow...he's sulking too much now.

K: Why are you like this?

M: Like what?

K: You're silent and you're just poking your food with the fork. Does something bother you?

M: Actually, yes.

I was already prepared to beg to make him talk, that I was a taken aback from how fast those words came out from his mouth.

K: W-what it is?

M: It's how fast you ran away from here as soon as she called.

K: I just went out to take her call and I'm not avoiding anything.

M: You could've stayed here and talked to her. I wouldn't have said anything.

K: I felt more comfortable talking to her on the way to buy food.

M: So you wouldn't feel guilty about what happened yesterday?

K: Sorry?

M: You're avoiding this topic since this kiss happened. I told you that I didn't want to hang on this rope anymore but I'm still here not knowing what to do if I have to hate you or keep loving you.

K: Well, sorry if I'm confused as fuck! I was kissed by a guy who annoys me all the time and that I might like while I'm still dating my girlfriend.

M: W-wait? What did you say?

Until Ming asked that I didn't realise the words that I blurted out a moment ago. Am I fucking stupid? What the fuck did I just say? I promised myself to take my time and now I basically told him that I might like him and considering him. Wow Kit, you really fucked up.

K: N-nothing.

M: Did you really said that you might like me?

K: Uh, no? You heard it wrong.

M: I'm sure I heard it pretty well.

K: No you didn't. I said that I might like you as a friend.

After that, I stand up from my seat and I walk towards the door, ready to make my exit because I am embarrassed by myself and I just want to go to my room and hide under my blankets. I stretched out my hand to reach for the doorknob when Ming speaks again.

M: Why can't you just admit it? Why it's so difficult?

Those words hit me like a knife. "I'm a coward and I can't say out loud what I think" I wanted to say that, but I remain silent. Time passes, none of us dares to speak, we're just standing there as we froze. Then I take a deep breath and without facing him I speak.

K: I need some time to think about what to do.

M: How much?

K: Uh?

M: How much time do you need?

K: A week? Like until Beauty comes back.

I hear him sighing and I can imagine him rubbing his nape while thinking about what to say.

M: Okay, I'm willing to wait for you. I mean I waited for months, I can wait one more week, right?

Without speaking I nod while opening the door and rushing out of his room. After closing the door, I stay for a while with my back leaned against the wooden surface. I must be crazy, that's the only answer to my behaviour. However, it's not the time to complain about my actions. I have to man up and finally face the matter that I have been avoiding all this time. I definitely need to take a decision and put an end to all of my problems. As I raise my arm to the sky to encourage myself, I walk downstairs ready to learn how to be brave and stand up for my own happiness.