Deadly Emotions; Collection of Poems

i hate my body

i hate my body, there's not really another way to put it.
i look like a fucking 11 year old.
sometimes i wonder how long i can go without growing.
how long i can go without having boobs.
for gods sake, i'm 15 1/2 and cant fill a 32aa
i'm tired of putting off swimming because they'll see, well, nothing.
every year i have school dances.
it's takes months for me to find a well priced dress that i actually like, which isn't in the kids section.
and so i'm happy, but not any longer than a week.
come to find out they can't take in the dress that much.
so we try again and again and again.
i don't even want to go anymore.
i wonder if i will ever look any different than a twig.
i have no thighs
no butt
no boobs
barely any hips
how fast do boobs grow?
i don't know.
ever since i was 8 or 9, i'd wish for boobs.
"i'll have boobs by halloween, christmas, my birthday, easter,"
and nothing
"i'll have boobs by the end of freshman year, by the time i'm a sophomore."
well guess what?
freshman years over, you're a sophomore now, and nothing.
i'm stupid for thinking i could even catch a break for once in my life.
there's not a single person in my school with no boobs. and no, i'm not exaggerating.
if anyone knows it'd be me. and why would there be?
we're high schoolers.
my moms 5th grade students often have bigger boobs than me.
i am so fucking done with it.
i don't give 2 shits if having small boobs is nice.
and don't even get me started with the life hacks.
"where a push up bra!" they all say, like they've achieved world peace.
push up bras only work if you have boobs babe.
i have no boobs, not just small ones, none.
no fat whatsoever.
and my own friends make fun of me for it.
me and my best friend would always talk about how we were scared to get our period, and how we had no boobs.
but now she has nearly a C cup and always shares info about her period.
she was the only person i had, had.
now i'm completely alone.
i get that every woman should have boobs, and some are small and some are big.
but i think something is wrong with me.
i try to eat estrogen rich foods and fatty foods, but nothing happens
i know it's safe to say, that i've lost all hope.
i barely want to come out in public anymore.
i hate my body so goddamn much.

i wish i could tell you more but i've already wasted enough of your time.
i would say "hope you could relate," but this feeling is so horrible and hope none of you feel like this. you are all so beautiful, and i love you all.
-C