Tugging Heartstrings

Adonis

Her legs were pulled to her chest as she laid in a cradled position. She sat in the king sized bed, on the left side. The sheets were pulled up to her shoulders as she let out a heavy sigh. Just like she always did.

"I love you baby girl. Goodnight," her phone muttered through the speaker phone. She clicked the phone off, leaving her in utter darkness as she remained silent to herself.

Everything she thought about revolved around him. From the way he smiled, to even his little habits, she had a memory for every single piece of him. Her hand clutched the necklace she was wearing, a beaded version of his sound waves saying "I love you."

She couldn't think of him the way she did anymore. She shouldn't think of him. She didn't want to. But she couldn't stop herself.

No longer was she the one that he would smile at when he came home. There would be no more cuddling in bed during those late nights, or the silly antics in the kitchen as she blasted music while she cooked dinner. They would no longer sit at the cafe on the corner and talk about nonsense, and the unforgettable runs to the grocery store would no longer happen. She wouldn't get to see his morning face at 8am or hear his tired voice when he says "Good night." There would be no more of those moments.

There would be no more morning kisses or casual walks. She is no longer be able to have the feeling of his hand perfectly enveloping hers. She can't hear his heartbeat as he wraps his arms around her in an embrace. Her head felt like it was about to explode at the thought of him. He consumed all of her thoughts; he took every piece of her with him. Everything she saw around her reminded her of him. Every thought she had about him hurt.

Everything about her entirety hurt.

He left like a passing breeze; he flitted around her in a frenzy. She was overjoyed, felt as if this was what it meant to love. He was like the wind that would leave you breathless in a good way, a heartwarming way. He was like the wind that took her to many beautiful moments and gave her so many wonderful memories. But just like the wind, he leaves. Once the wind leaves, everything that he brought dies with his fleeting figure. Those feelings of joy and love were now numb and broken. She was broken.

She sat up, sobbing to herself in the dark. Her hands wiped away tear after tear, the sound of her crying echoing through the room.

Her favorite memory of him was when they spent time together at their secret place. It was a hallway at their school, where no one except the occasional janitor would walk through. They sat there for hours, talking about life or just dancing to silly music. She could remember his arms enveloping her whenever they hugged or she leaned into his chest. The time they spent in that small hallway passed by so effortlessly.

She remembered the way he laughed at her when she said a cheesy joke, or how his eyes crinkled just slightly when he smiled. She remembered the late night FaceTime calls until the sun came up, or how he'd send a good morning text when he was away. She remembered the first time he said "I love you" with a sleepy voice.

But now, he was gone. And he would never come back. She always hoped he would come back through that door and hold her like she was worth everything.

It never even occurred to her that he'd leave. Since meeting him, she was certain that he was the one. After all of the people she met, and all the people in the world, she had a sure feeling that he was it. He was going to be the last. She never really believed in the belief of knowing when you meet the love of your life, but when he walked into her life she really believed that it was true.

When he was with her, nothing else mattered except that moment.

She could only think of all the good memories they shared. They say it's not the bad memories that hurt, but rather the good ones. And they were right. It was the good memories that hurt the most.

As she lied in bed, the sheets began to feel colder and colder. His body heat would no longer heat this bed, and there would be an empty spot on the right side of the bed. He was never going to come back. It didn't matter how much she cried or wished for him to come; he was gone and had no intention of coming back.

She would forever be thinking about the one who got away, the one who was could have been something, the one who she thought was the one. If this wasn't love and heartbreak at its hardest, she didn't know what was. To not be enough for someone you thought loved you for you, that is the definition of heartbreak.

He was nothing more than a distant, bittersweet memory at this point. And for the rest of her life, he would stay that way. He left her alone, and now she had to pull herself out of the grave he dug for her. How could she when she felt so broken?

If she knew saying goodbye would have hurt this much, she wouldn't have invested so much of her heart into him. She wanted nothing more than to be with him, but he saw her as someone to pass the time. And when she looks at him as he passes by her without taking a second glance, she stands there, holding all of her broken parts in a heaping mess, acting as if they're pieced back together.

Adonis: sad memories