An Attempt at Poetry

Lifeboat

* cue Heathers*

*jk, this isn't about Heathers, sorry*

I am stuck on a lifeboat.

In the middle of a sea of my own creation.

A black, dark, foreboding sea that commands all of my attention

Sometimes the seas are calm

But most of the time, the seas are churning

A black mess that build foreboding inside my stomach

An undercurrent that drags me around

But I am able to stay on my lifeboat, even if just barely

And I am proud.

Proud to be sitting on top of my whirling waves

Staying afloat

And then sometimes, the seas are angry

They send dark waves that crash over me.

II cling to the lifeboat with all my might

But these storms have been more frequent

And I am weak

I am so tired to be fighting

The constant wind

The battering rain

And the dark, dark seas

I lose me grip

And the waves drag me down

Down

Down

Down

Down

To the bottom

Breathing seems to be forgotten

As I stare up through the foggy waters

Trying desperately to find my lifeboat

But the water keeps me down

And in this moment

I can be calm

For a second

There is peace

Then my body flashes its warning sign

Like little red lights around my vision

You've been here for too long

Your lungs are flooded

We're losing you

But I always get through

I fight to the surface,

Patch my lifeboat

And continue on

There are other people here.

I can see them

I can talk to them

And I help

I guide my ratty old lifeboat upt to their big beautiful boats

And I steady them

I grab them from the water

I pull them onto my lifeboat for as long as they need to find a new one

The seas don't like it when I take these people

The sea tells me that I need to leave them

That I'm going to drown in their sorrows

Trying to get to every last one of them

That I can't save them all

But you know what?

I'm going to try

These people have so much more worth

Than a confused "little girl" who will probably be dead before twenty

They aren't lost

Maybe I'm not either

But I refuse the let them die while I'm building myself a better boat

Am I being selfless?

No

I'm not

I'm procrastinating

But I don't care

I don't care

I don't care

I don't care

I DON'T CARE

I DON'T CARE

I DON'T CARE

I DON'T FUCKING CARE

Because I'm not a good person