Crazy is the Name of My Game

( 41 ) It's my choice.

( 41 ) – It’s my choice.

 

Erica Santos

 

Quickly, I let go of Jason’s warm hands, an action I quickly regretted when I saw disappointment flood his blue eyes. It seemed wrong to hold him – to be near him – with Hans in the picture, so I tried to hide my discomfort and bravely faced his best friend.

Hans Verona. How long had he been here, watching us, listening? Did he hear my fear and desperation? Did he think it was a betrayal on my part, to be so torn between the two of them? Hundreds of years, and look at how it ended. We were back where we started. It was nothing but Fate’s irony.

“Don't go with him,” Hans pleaded with an outstretched hand. I couldn’t help but stare at it like it was dead rat.

“Erica?” His calm baritone caressed my insides. There was an urgency to have him wrapped in my arms, a need so deep it could only come from my soul recognizing her other half. But I couldn’t. It would hurt Jason. And I couldn’t hurt Jason Greene.

The guilt made me unable to look at him straight in the eyes, and I didn’t understand. There was nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s not like we were officially an item or something.

Quietly, he walked towards us and stopped short when he was directly in front of Jason. We formed a small semi-circle with me in the middle. I was trembling.

“Shh.” He raised his hand to wipe the tears from my cheeks, but I flinched before his fingers could reach me. He offered me a timid smile before distancing himself. “Don’t cry, my love.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out.

Smooth. Real smooth, Erica. Ugh. I wanted to smack my forehead on the ground. Maybe haul myself towards the water and disappear from their sight. Sheesh, what was I doing, acting like some introverted maiden from a distant fairytale?

Hans chuckled, and the sound alone sent my nerves on fire. It felt so good that it was driving me crazy. It was no wonder Aglaia fell for him. If he could inflict this sensation with his mere voice, I wonder how it would feel if he was actually touching me.

Blood rushed to my cheeks.

Wha! What am I thinking? Since when did I become a pervert? I shot a panicked glance towards Jason’s direction. Oh no! He must have rubbed off some on me. What to do? I need to purify myself.

“You’re right,” Hans stated, his face marred with a frown. I stared at the two men, noticing that they were having a silent exchange of thoughts. They were leaving me out of their conversation, and for that, I was thankful. So much had happened that I no longer knew whether I could keep up. Any moment now, my head would explode. My heart was confused. Where would this path lead me? Why was destiny keen on playing with my feelings?

Eventually, their expressions darkened.

Hans spoke in a low tone, addressing me while his eyes glared daggers to the taller man. “The decision is yours to make, Erica. Jason or me. Choose.”

“What?” I stepped away from them.

“You have to choose.”

They couldn’t do this to me! I hardly understand myself! Aglaia’s memories, Jason’s revelations, Arc’s future, Hans’ responsibilities… there were too much to consider.

Hans gestured with his hands. A trail of glittering dust floated in the air. “This is an oath. I will abide by your choice. If you say that you want me, I will let no one stand our way. I will no longer let the spirits dictate my life. I will kill if that's what it takes for them to leave me alone. But if you want Jason, I will step aside and quietly leave your life, just like that.”