Unpolished Jade: Reviews

📓Intertwine

Title: Intertwine

Author: Itsmahandania

Description:

He is one of the most renowned General in ancient China. He knock down the enemies with only 500 cavalries, merciless in battlefield, and deserve the tittle of God of War. On the other side, he also possess a good personality, a kind heart, and gentleness. He always hide his handsome features beneath his golden mask. Yet, a twisted fate led him to his calamity. With his last breath, the young general swore: "In the next life, I, Gong Zhang Gong will take a revenge for my every suffering!"

She is an ordinary girl from 21st century with a bright personality and smart brain. Because of a certain ancient mask, her soul time-traveled to the three kingdom era and entering a weak body of unfavored second young miss in Prime Minister manor. "Those who dare to put my handsome General into calamity, will suffer with an endless humility!"

"General Gao, I'm one of your die-hard fan! Can you give me your autograph?"

"Xing Xing, how about you wearing a mask too?"

This is a sweet story about a transmigrated young lady and a rebirthed God of War.

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Genre: Fantasy

Category: High Fantasy

Total Chapters: 7

Reviewed Chapters: 6

1) Cover: (7/10)

What I like about the cover is that it has elements of China's ancient culture and art. Even the font and the color scheme that are used match well with the theme. The only thing I have to say is that the colors don't particularly pop out or stand out, which is not something you want to have when trying to have your book catch the eye of someone browsing for something to read.

2)  Title: (8/10)

The title is interesting, but a little too simple. I guess I've just used to Chinese novels having longer names. But even so, the simple ones I see are usually powerful or catch my attention. I haven't read too many chapters yet, so it's too early to judge whether the title fits the story.

3) Plot: (26/30)

From what I've read so far, the story plot isn't bad at all. I quite enjoyed it. I only cut off a couple of points here because the story shared many similarities with other transmigration novels, taking away some of its originality. For one, there was Fei Fei transmigrating into the body of the daughter of the prime minister. In almost every other transmigration book, the MC is the daughter of a prime minister. Why not something else for a change? I did like the mother's background, though, and the fact that she is alive. Most books in this genre kill of the mother before the story even starts for whatever reason. What really hooked me me though was the reveal about the Male Lead in the fifth chapter. Even though there were some hints that were dropped, I still ended up being surprised. This twist might just set your book apart from all others in this genre that have a similar premise.

4) Grammatical Errors: (15/20)

I found many of these mistakes here. I understand that English isn't your first language, but it ruins any witty banter if the characters speak like younger children instead of someone more mature at their age.

If you guys want, we have members of the AFC who can edit your book. We know that there are so many good Asian novels out there but the authors aren't very fluent in English, so we have decided to open up an editing workshop to help polish their works. Direct message us or Widad00 for more information.

5) Characters Development: (17/20)

I like Fei Fei's personality. She's sunny and sweet, but not completely naive about the goings of court, nor is she cold and powerful right away. She actually acts like a transmigrator who is new to ancient China and is curious about everything instead of adjusting to it all right away. Even though she has a new life in this world and it's a new setting, she doesn't forget about the people of her past—even thinking about them on some occasions—nor does she forget her modern-day morals. It makes her quite relatable and her character also believable. The Male Lead is also intriguing. I am curious to see how their interactions will go in the future now that they are in this predicament.

There are only a couple of things I can say that you need to work on. Her drive to save the general from his doom was a little unbelievable. She only learned about him in that day in the museum, yet he's suddenly become her idol, the kind that she could die for and is desperately trying to save. Idolizing someone is a huge thing and that kind of love doesn't spring up right away like hers did. Even if it's an unconscious urge that she is unable to explain, you should stress that factor. Another thing is her desire to go back to the modern world. It's natural that she would want to go back, but her thoughts on this subject were just glossed over. The writing just showed that she was looking for ways to go back home right away. But if she goes back just like that, what about her desire to save the general, her idol? This subject should be touched upon a little more.

Remember to add more depth to both of their characters as the story progresses so that they aren't flat throughout.

6) Language: (8/10)

It could be flowerier, but it's sufficient and straight to the point, not wasting time with extra words.

7) Overall: (81/100)

This story is definitely interesting. Although I've read so many transmigration novels to the point that I'm a little tired of them (mostly because they're all too similar to each other), I will stick around to see where this goes.

Thank you for choosing Unpolished Jade Reviews. I hope this review was helpful to you and you will consider some of my points on improving your writing.

Reviewed by: Foenix8