Another Person In The Crowd

Chapter 5: What's wrong with me?

When I reached my house it was about ten-fifteen. I took out my key and unlocked the door, a bit scared that I'd wake my dad. Not my mom though, she was probably still awake.

"Aqua? Is that you?" My mom called from upstairs.

"Yeah it's me."

I heard the rumble of footsteps trudging down the stairs, then saw my mom heading toward me. "So...? How was it?"

"It was okay." I wasn't half lying. Yet there was so much that went on once Seth came into the picture. As I thought about it I really didn't know what to say, I was almost speechless.

My mom studied my face, clearly not believing me. "Oh?" She raised an eyebrow, "you sure? Because just a few hours ago you acted as if you'd rather do anything but  this."

Which was true, I really  would've. "Yeah. Babysitting was..." I searched for the words, confused. "Good." And it was. Just not Seth. "Anthony is a great kid, he really is. You know, he's also a great-"

Mom nodded her head, but I could tell she was quite surprised. "What about Seth?"

I swallowed. I expected mom to ask about babysitting, but never Seth. What was  I supposed to say?

"Oh, right, Seth." Dead silence fell upon us. "He came in from practice eventually. He was...you know.." Yet she clearly didn't know by the look on her face. "He was just tired."

Mom smiled and patted my shoulder. "Okay, sweetie." Her attention turned to the clock hanging in the living room. "You should get to bed, it's late."

"Ok, love you." I headed upstairs and flopped face-first on my bed. 

Before shutting my eyes I thought about everything that happened today; my conversation with Oliver, Oliver's texts, babysitting Anthony, Seth.

                        ********
"No!" I screamed. I shot up, my head buzzing with panic.

I woke up with few beads of sweat dripping down my forehead. I attempt to catch my breath, but fail. Just a bad dream. It was only a bad dream. 

"My god." This was the first time I've had this  bad of a dream. The only thing I remember, so vividly, was the look in Seth's eyes when he said 'Aqua, I don't even know why I'm like this.'

That's it? Nothing more? Then why did I wake up so panicked? Then it hits me, and my stomach drops. His dad. He was swearing at Seth and I about something. Oh my god.

I rush to the bathroom and splash my face with water. No, no, no, no! His dad was upset with him because he found out we were.....dating?  Oh god, please no.

But how did I dream something like that? I've never, ever had any desire to date him. So why now?

He was an enemy, yet other times he was okay. Was he just a jerk though? Maybe I need to give him time and he'd be okay? No! I can't think like this! Seth is  a jerk, that's how it's always been.

But what did he mean by 'Aqua, I don't even know why I'm like this.'

Nothing, it all meant nothing.

Or what about when he cried, he cried over you. All because he didn't want to see you cry.  

What did he want to talk to you about?

My god I don't know!!

I slam my hand on the bathroom counter in frustration, then silently yelp in pain. I begin crying, unable to stop. Why? Why did Seth have this much control over me?

That's because you let him.

How though? I pursed my lips and curled my toes, then thought back to the times where I fell weak against Seth. The times where I let him get the best of me.

Then I stared straight into the mirror, allowing my hot tears to stream down my wet cheeks.
My eyes well up with even more tears waiting to be released, and my eyelashes have never looked so bright in pure darkness before.

Endless flashbacks come back to me as I exhale sharply.

When he flipped my books. He always does that. When he yells your name. He brings unwanted attention. Again, always does that. When he makes rude comments. Always.

I attempt to look for one good thing he's done to me, and fail. What am I even thinking? What's wrong with me? I frown, Seth hasn't done anything nice to me.

I rub my eyes and glance at my alarm clock resting on my nightstand. Three in the morning? Thanks a lot Seth. 

                                                                                             *********

"I'd like to see that." 

"Yeah, me too." 

I was walking to History with Monica. It's Tuesday, but we're both planning a trip to the movies this weekend. 

Suddenly, I see the one person I was worried about seeing today. Seth, and of course he's coming my way. Figures. 

"Hey, Aqua!" he looks between both Monica and I. Monica gives a half-smile, trying her best to be nice. It's the effort that counts. "What's up?" 

"Hey Seth, not much. But what was that? It was almost like you were being nice " I say, his expression changing into a smirk. "Am I in some parallel universe?"  

"All because I forgot to make a lame joke....." He looks right at me and raises an eyebrow.

"Ah, I'm glad we both have come to an agreement that your jokes are lame, cause they really are." I lean in close to him, another situation where our faces are only inches apart. 

Seth chuckles. 

Suddenly Monica interrupts our intense staring and coughs to snap us out of it. "Aqua, we have to go," and with that she pulls me away from Seth. 

As soon as Seth is out of sight Monica's eyes fall on me. I can tell she wants to say something just by the way she's looking at me. But she says nothing. 

"Hey, Aqua!" Oliver says when he sees us inching closer to class. 

"Hey, Oliver!" I look at him and suddenly feel like apologizing. "Sorry, Oliver, I've got to get to class." He nods his head, but seems disappointed that I couldn't talk. 

"See you at lunch!" Was the last thing I heard before turning back. Again, Monica's eyes are still on me.