Till the end

Chapter 2 《Castiel》

Castiel went through the streets. He didn't know why, but he didn't want to leave. Also he have got that feeling, it hurts. After some time, he noticed that he walked in circles around the motel. He felt something, Dean. He heard him begging that he come to him, but he couldn't, even the thought about him felt like many knifes stabbing him.
„Hey, you look upset."
Cas heard from a dark corner.
„Who are you?"
A man walked out of the shadows and hold something out to him.
„That helps. With that you forget your sorrow and get happy again."
Cas took it, hoping it would help to alleviate the pain. He looked at the content of the small transparent bag, it were five little white pills, whose Cas turned in his fingers in the dull light of a shabby streetlight. As he looked up again the man was vanished.
«It won't kill me to try.»
Thought Cas, he was tired of the unbearable pain. He took them all at once. They tasted awful.
«What should it be doing...»
Thought the angel.
«It was made by humans, it doesn't effect me...»
He went into the next bar, remembering how the last time all worries fell off.
„The strongest you have got, please."
He said and got out the money. He copied that from Dean.
Dean...

Again the stabbing pain.
Why didn't he told him what happened? Why was he so cold to him? And why does it hurt that much? He got a little glass of alcohol and downed it in one go. It burned in his throat and he coughed briefly. In addition the drugs startet to work and he asked after a bottle of that alcohol.
„Bad day?"
Asked the barkeeper.
„No, damned life..."
Cas replied. The man nodded and gave him the bottle. The angel drank some of the intoxicating liquid. As he had drunken the half of the bottle content he had to pause. He coughed again and shuddered, as the alcohol burned his way down. As the burning eased, he tipped the remaining alcohol down. His head cleared, he thought about nothing.
But Dean.

This one thought, that keeps penetrating his mind and nearly drove him crazy, that one, that sat so deep in his thoughts and left so deep wounds, he couldn't burn out with alcohol and drugs.
Why? Why shouldn't it be granted to him to once just don't think about him?
„Another bottle please."
You could hear how drunk and high he was, he couldn't even sit straight without falling from the bar stool. Everything was spinning and slowly Castiel became the feeling to be in danger. He felt like something was watching him and looked around.
„I'm not giving you any more alcohol, you are too drunk already."
Said the barkeeper. Castiel turned back again and was shocked. He looked like a monster. Cas took out his angel blade and hold it on his throat.
„What are you?"
Asked Cas, but the barkeeper just grinned.
„What are you?"
He repeated, as he felt something plunging in his chest. The barkeeper had thrust a knife in his heart.
„What are you?"
Said the barkeeper yet.
„I am an angel of the Lord."
Said Castiel and looked at the barkeeper. He felt another piecing feeling. One of the guests has recognized that Cas threatened the barkeeper with his angel blade and stabbed him in the spine. A second one shoot him in the head and another one smacked him in the face. It wasn't very effective against Cas, but the man sweared and holded his hand. More people went to him and said or whispered:

„Dean hates you!"

„Do you not recognize that Dean doesn't want you?"

„You failed, Castiel! "

„The world goes down because YOU rebelled!"

„It's all your fault!"
„Worthless!"

„Lost!"

„Broken!"

„Useless!"

„Stupid!"

It hurts so bad, because they where his worst anxieties. Also they looked like Dean, Sam and his friends and family.
„Don't say that...
Please..."

His voice cracked.
He cried.

He dropped the angel blade and pressed his hands against his ears. He went away from them and felt a stabbing in his ribs, another knife.
He went on the street and recognized his bloody hands. But it wasn't his. He hurted someone, but he couldn't remember who. Another of his worst fears. Suddenly Dean came to him, smiling.

„Dean..."
„It's fine, come here"
Said Dean and held his arms open. Cas went to him and hugged him exhausted.

„Hey, shhh, everything it's fine. Cas, please stop crying."
Cas nodded and Dean wiped softly his tears away.

Cas still was observant, he knew that something wasn't right. But he wanted to believe it, he just wanted to believe that everything is alright yet.
He was tired.
Of everything.
He looked up and saw the stars.

Everything was fine.

Dean smiled and kissed Cas. He enjoyed it, having the whole attention of Dean. That was everything he wants. That was everything he needs. His wish came true. All the suffering wasn't for nothing.

Yet as he wanted to give up.
But Cas was confused, why does he do that?
„I-I love you, Dean..."
Said Cas shyly and blushed. He had thought it since long time ago, but recognized how vulnerable and anxious it made him and didn't said it him because of this.
„You mean so much to me..."

„You mean nothing to me Castiel, I hate you. Everyone, really everyone could've helped me better than you, you are useless Castiel. A dirty little piece of scum. At least I don't have to see you ever again."

He talked with deep hate in his voice.
Then he felt it.
The angel blade thrust into his shoulder.
He felt how it slided through his skin and cut through his lung.

Then he saw.

Deans eyes turned black.

He laughed.

Cas hold his hand on Dean's eyes to see him a last time.
Him not the demon, to remember him.
He collapsed and the illusion faded away, Dean became another person, possessed by a demon. He left Cas alone. The last thing what Cas heard was the squealing of the breaks which he knew so good and Sam shouting his name. Then he passed out.

Second little part :3 (and last part)