MUSIC AND MIA

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xxx

So now It was the day I finally was gonna meet him at after those messages. I didn't bother to send him any sort of message in these 13 hours. I was tired. I wanted to cry. And I didn't know why? Maybe I wanted mom to be with me, maybe Anna my sister would help me. Maybe someone else. But who it would be? Hammad? No! I just met him a week ago. I was crying for nothing. I kept saying to myself that I'm missing mom or Anna but I knew this feeling was not for them. I sat there on the bed at 7 in the morning. I had three more hours to cry. Three more hours to get relief from a sudden and unknown pain. I cried there lightly making any noise.

* are you okay?* 

This message was what I was waiting for? How did he know I'm not okay? Is he some kind of angel? I really wasn't in a mood for replying him. As I knew, replying him will get us started. I wanted to be alone for a while but still wanted someone to look after me. What I could do now was just to reply him. My sister didn't really bother to ask me anything in a while and my mum send me texts every day which don't mean anything to me! Why? They are not what she writes herself. She told me to get out of her house. I did it. I got out of that big royal house that had nothing in it except for money, hatred, jealousy. I wanted to live a life of love. I wanted someone to at least look at with love or someone who looks at me with affection.

*what do you mean by that?*

I

replied.

*what I can mean to you btw?*

That was rude btw. I wanted someone soft-hearted and polite.

*Excuse me! I would love if you would be a little soft!*

I replied without thinking what I was writing.

*I'm sorry!* 

He simply replied. He had no attitude. Even when he showed it, I broke his attitude every single time. It's been just a week. I still haven't told Radiyah. What's wrong with me? Every time I think to message her, I ignore her. Even when I know, she was the one taking care of me when my mom left me almost alone. She really never loved me and I still love her for that. Because of her, today, I have met one of the beautiful girls on the earth. Radiyah.

*It's okay!* 

I replied.

*So why don't you talk when we meet up?*

He asked me.

*what do you mean by that?* 

I replied all of a sudden.

* I mean when we come at the park!*
He said.

* Maybe I would not be able to make it today. I'm feeling tired.*

I replied as I knew I really wouldn't be able to make it. I wanted him to understand that.

*so it means I'm also not going today*

*but why?*

*you'll not be there to accompany me. That's why!*

*I never really did that before!*

*yeah I know but still the same reason. I hope you change your plans so I would be able to meet you~~!!*

*i don't really think so!*

*think about it M. You'll feel better.*

*Bye*

*b'bye*

xxx

Now again I was once again letting my pillow to soak my pain, my tears. I was talking to him but still was in pain. I put my cellphone on the side table and cried there for long. I thought maybe I should listen to some music but my head was already beating up. I wanted nothing right now except solitude. I wanted to meet my mom and tell her about my life. I wanted Anna to know me better. I was sad that I had no one to share my feelings with right now. I saw my phone vibrate. I took it and saw Radiyah's text. Still I wasn't in mood but I felt like not replying her back is like betraying her. So I opened it.

*Why aren't you replying Mia. IS EVERYTHING OKAY? Have i done something wrong to you,??~~*

*no ways Radi. Don't be worried. Just a lil sad. I'll see you soon.*

*i wanna meet you rn~~!!*

*no~! I can't make it today!*

*y??*

*idk*

*hmmm I'll come to you then. You'll not have to come out of your comfort zone~~!!*

*Alright then. I gave up!! 😿*

Surely this time with Radiyah was what I wanted. I already told the boy that i won't be able to make it up today. I just sat there on my bed thinking a way to get out of these thorns. I was broke and didn't know why. I was happy a while ago and now I was crying for nothing. I was sad at my own behaviour. I wanted to be happy but more happiness makes me sad. Makes me think that why I am so happy. Why am I not sad. Why nothing bad has happened yet. I wanted to be extremely positive but turns out I be extremely negative thinking about positive stuff. I wanted to be light, like a feather.

Radiyah was the one right now who I thought would understand me. I always went to see my mom and sister every year even when they didn't want that, i wanted that. I want to be happy like before but maybe it ain't gonna happen now. I wanted to ask Radiyah if I should go see mom this year. I wanted to go see her, I didn't know why. I wanted to hug her, cry on her shoulder. I wanted Anna to understand me that i still love her even whatever she did to me. I was feeling alone as I was.