" •Discomfort ; a state of physical absence of ease, and anything that is disturbing to or interferes with comfort. Feelings of grief or distress, the unpleasant lifestyle that heartbreak affords.
Discomfort really is such an interesting word when you stop and think about it, isn't it? it has so many different connotations, all personal to each individual person, but generalised so neatly by one all-encompassing term.
Discomfort is a relatively vague concept. It is not uniform in its practicalities
What I found comforting, or comfortable; is not the same anymore.
To me, that is where the difficulty lies.
How do you find comfort for yourself when you no longer know what it is to me?
So, the question i have is : what kind of comfort can I offer myself who just lost someone that i cherised so much? Does such comfort even exist?
I don't know where I find comfort i fit does exist but I can't find it with her anymore. It seems that i no longer know how to comfort myself the way I did without her, and i no longer seen to get whatever solace she has to offer.
That thought gives me no comfort at all.
I know that she still cares for me. I do not doubt that, but its discomforting to think that her words of consolation, her attempts to support me, to understand what I'm going through, are not mine to hear anymore. My concerns for her, which was once embraced, are now brushed off. My efforts to comfort both of us, make us feel uncomfortable; and there is a cruel, sad irony in that.
She is a luxury that you can't buy; rarer than the world's most precious diamond, and more valuable than any material possesion i could ever own in my entire life. Other people might measure their wealth in dollars and stock, in the number of properties or cars that they own, but i don't. i learned a long time ago that life is not a commodity. You cannot buy time, or health, or love. Those of you that truly appreciate the significance of that will understand what true wealth is.
It is the people in your life that are priceless. They're irreplaceble. They are what makes us rich, and she is one of the reasons that i considered myself to be exceptionally wealthy.
I lost a person that was as much of a comfort to me, as I was to her; someone extremely valuable, someone who i love and treasure immensely.
What if the way she used to comfort me, no longer works the way it used to?
What if it never will again?
What do you do then?
I've never written about this before, so it might come as a suprise to you all, but the truth is that i am hopelessly and irrevocably in love with someone; some i thought i would marry. Life is not treating us very kindly, a fact i resent immensely because if there is anyone that deserves life to be good to them, then it's her.
I find discomfort in a lot of different things; places, people... however, for the longest time she has been the biggest comfort to me and no-one will ever understand just how much I've depended on her and that comfort in the past. If we could ever have one comfort in out life, then she's be the only one that I'd ever want; that I'd ever need.
And she will continue to be the First place that I'd go to seek it.
She'd been the person i went to when i had a bad day; when everything began to get a little overwhelming. She was my refuge, my sanctuary. Every single thing about her is still a comfort to me.
Her touch was a comfort, it alleviated all my physical aches and pains without even an ounce of effort. I have always been handled with care by her gentle hands, even when my own thoughtless and impulsive, quick to damage and wound, used to betray me.
Her words were a comfort; she always knew exactly what to say to me, even at times, that is nothing. Her reassurance, her support, her encouragement, and consolation, is largely responsible for where i am today. I would not be here without it.
She was where i was most comfortable; in her arms, i was content. And i'd rather not find another place where i feel so at ease.
People take discomfort from a million things and fin dit in a million places but despite it's lack of uniformity, despite all its different associations, despite how personal and individual a concept may be, there is still always that one Universal idea which provides everyone with discomfort; probably more discomfort than anything else.
Heartbreak.
Heartbreak is the biggest discomfort there is.
I need comforting but she can't give comfort to me, and it pains me that she can't. after all the comfort she had provided me with over the years, she can't provide me wit hit. We aren't together anymore. We can't help eachother find comfort that we need; the way that we deserve to be comforted.
I love her, but the greatest thing that i can't offer anymore, is my love.
Her love for me has always been my biggest comfort. It was the silver lining in every cloud, the calm after the storm, the spring after every winter.
So, I'm worried.
I'm worried because my love can no longer be a comfort to her and I'm not sure where that leaves us. I don't fully understand it's implications but I had an omnious feeling that they weren't good.
I'm worried because her love was the only thing that kept me grounded; i have nothing left.
I'm worried because if love really is what people take the greatest comfort from, then I'm in the greatest discomfort.
And if I'm in a great discomfort now, then I'm worried that I'll never be in comfort again.
I guess that's our little secret though, because the idea of saying these concerns, these words, out loud to her terrifies me. I discovered that my fears are valid, my words true, because then there will be no comfort anymore. There is only pain, and grief, and a heartache so excruciating, that it will likely last for as long as my heart does.
And my heart, will last as long as I live...
And now I'll go back to glares across the room.
· L.M
