One sunny, sweet, solemn, sensual, scintillating Saturday morning in Venice, when Cody and Noel were hungover as hell after staying up late losing in Fortnite and Cody had just returned from his early-morning surf, they decided to get coffee together. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and Cody was complaining about paddle boarders. Noel roasted him about his obsession with such people, to which Cody timidly responded,
"Fuck off." Ah Cody; he has such a way with words. At this point, they had finished ordering and they walked back to Cody's apartment, caramel macchiatos in hand.
"Wait! BRUH!!" Noel said after they had walked a significant distance, "We need to record this week's pod today. Gotta satisfy the subs."
"Ah shit dude we gotta go shopping though." Cody said, "Y'know, gotta go to Lululemon. Gotta get those yoga pants. Keep that ass tight."
"That's..." he struggled with what to say, nervous and sporting the beginning of a huge bone-dog. Finally he settled on "...hot. I'd cap that."
"Hell fuckin yeah. Not as hot as I was when I shat my pants at that diving meet tho." Cody lost himself and began to recount the boring Duke stories he had told a thousand times. It was a little bit difficult for him, though, since he had graduated so, so long ago. Noel felt awkward; he never went to college, so he didn't have anything with which to continue the flow of the conversation.
They then realized that they were super far away from Cody's apartment, so they decided to be smart and call an Uber. Their Uber driver kept talking about how many offers he gets for customers to suck his dick, and they were lowkey super into the conversation. Cody, being the dumb fuck that he is, almost spilled his macchiato multiple times in the backseat of the Uber, but Noel helped steady his hand by clasping it in his. Cody looked over, blushing. He stared into Noel's racially ambiguous eyes and smiled, embarrassed by the intensity of his attraction. "No homo," he whispered sensually, struggling to catch his breath. The Uber driver let them out and they thanked him.
"Bro," Cody said, perplexed, "Uber fucks." Noel silently agreed, still consumed by the thought of Cody's throbbing shaft. They arrived at the apartment and quickly greeted Devon, who was yelling cuss words at the television, even though it wasn't on. This didn't seem to alarm them, as it was not at all out of the ordinary, so they just continued towards Cody's room. When they entered the bedroom, "Back to the Crib" by Juelz Santana was playing quietly on all 6 of Cody's Roombas. They started talking, and things got really deep really quickly.
"...I'm such a fucking awful human being. I didn't even mean to go off on that girl with the cheetah hat and the fidget spinner," Cody revealed to Noel. "I'm just very self-conscious about my concept of comedy. Sometimes I wonder whether I'm even funny at all. Do all my chodesters only watch me to laugh at me? Do I deserve the hundreds of millions of dollars I make per day? Maybe I should just give my channel to you, Noel. You're funnier than I am."
"Cody," Noel consoled (!!corn warning!!), "you're right, you're banal as fuck, but I love you anyway. You probably shouldn't have quit your job as an aspiring entrepreneur/engineer. I'm glad you did, though, because now we have a fuckin' dope internet presence together and I couldn't ask for more. Bangers & Ass is fucking fire! We're going to sell millions some day in the very very distant future."
Cody looked down, blushing yet again, hanging on that word--love. He had never known how Noel felt about him. He started to get hard. Emotional intimacy was his kink.
"Dude," he whispered sensually, "if I had to choose between boning you and Ansel Elgort, I would choose you."
Noel gasped, caught off guard by Cody's segue, "That's the nicest goddamn thing anyone has ever fucking said to me 😍."
Cody stared at him. He whispered, "how the fuck did you just say that out loud," but Noel didn't answer. They stared at each other with love in their eyes. The chemistry between them was so intense. They both had huge erections. All of a sudden, Cody kissed Noel violently. They pressed into each other the way Cole Labrant and his wife did on their wedding night. They fell onto the bed, Cody on the bottom and Noel on the top (obviously, since Cody was only 5'3). They both began removing their clothes. Cody kicked off his civil war era shoes, and as soon as he saw Noel's dark ass nipples, he became all the more intrigued, and although he didn't think it possible, his dick got even more swollen. Noel was a little bit surprised by Cody's boosted libido, considering his age. He was planning on popping him a Viagra, but he soon learned that wouldn't be necessary. Cody removed his metallica t-shirt and his cargo shorts to reveal his IHOP dick and shitty tattoos. Noel pulled down his pantaloons to reveal his colossal genitals.
"Bro," Cody whispered, sending shivers down noel's hairy spine, "you're fucking hung. You sure kept your dick fat."
"Give me some Canadian bacon, baby," Noel said enthusiastically. He flipped Cody over and plunged his weiner into his tenacious buns. Cody moaned with pleasure at the repeated penetration from Noel's 26-incher. "A tiger can kill an animal over twice its size," he groaned. Noel brought his mouth to Cody's ear and whispered seductively,
"Tu culo es mi casa."
He removed his phallus and Cody grabbed the remainder of his caramel macchiato and poured it on Noel's dick. He immediately began to guck the girly drink off of Noel's gargantuan cock. Noel thoroughly enjoyed Cody's fellatio. It had been a whole two minutes when Noel screamed,
"FUCk! YOU FUCKING GOT MY PHILIPPIO!!" he removed his freshly-cleaned dick from Cody's mouth and came in his eye. "This will help with your pink eye," he said softly. Cody wiped the semen from his eye and put it in his mouth, humming the conjunctivitis song to himself.
"Tastes like piss," he said, breathing heavily. Even after sex, he was still as facetious as ever. "Now my short stack needs some love."
Noel violently began to slurp his tiny-ass chode. Cody melted into his mouth. He thrust his member down his throat, not making it very far. He moaned, "Oh yeah Mr. Struggle; I'm fuckin' gay. I like dudes with dicks." He robotically plucked his juul off his nightstand and took a hit as Noel continued to blow him. He cried,
"I'M EDGING!" he then climaxed and ripped a fat cloud at the same time. Noel was so repulsed by the taste of his cum that he ran as fast as he could, ass naked, to the sink to spit it out. Cody was sweating profusely, his bleached blonde hair sticking to his forehead (FUCKING loser by the way). He looked like a little bitch.
He looked out the window of his bedroom and saw something strange. Kristen and Bethany from GirlDefined were looking at him through the window, enticed by what they saw. Bethany looked away for a moment and, when her gaze returned, held a sign against the window. It read: YOU ARE GOING TO HELL in Comic Sans. Cody thought he was hallucinating, so he ignored it, rubbing his eyes and turning back to the open bathroom door, through which he could see Noel's raw ass as he leaned over the toilet.
"Come on, sugar gay." Cody yelled at him from the bedroom. "Not gonna lie, you're being a bit of a canceled stamp."
This remark made Noel cry like a lil puss boy. Cody didn't give a fuck; he was already asleep. He went downstairs to eat some splonch. Noel just fucking died. The end, bitch.
