Just fucking kidding, Noel didn't die. He woke up in the hospital, dazed and confused, Cody's wrinkly face looming over him. He smiled.
"My big boy is awake!" Cody said softly, breathing heavily, "You got cum poisoning and passed out. That's what happens when you lose your virginity and you're a pussy."
Noel giggled. The doctors gave him Zoloft to calm him down. He was a lil wild.
"You've been in a coma for 69 days. I've become good friends with Michael, your male nurse (or 'murse,' if you will). You missed Colby's 19th birthday. I've been here the whole mf time."
"Did I get my dick transplant?" Noel muttered, "I n-need it."
"No you don't," Cody screamed at the top of his lungs, then calmed down a bit and changed to a whisper, "You already got one, remember? Your 26-incher? You have 178 ballsacks. One for each subscriber. It's good enough for me❤️." He cupped Noels' face in his hands. A single tear ran down his face and into Noe'ls mouth. He slurped it up and felt godly power from the salty tears. You know what else is salty? Cody's battery acid baby juice. Noel had a strong urge to do a Manhattan Transfer. He jumped out of bed, pulling his knees up to his chest, and accidentally hit himself in the face with his pointy ass knees. Cody laughed at him and lost his breath because he is old.
They broke out of the hospital by sneaking into a trash can that was dumped into the trash chute leading outside. They both squeezed into the same can, so it was a little squished, but that just made it all the more intimate.
"Hell yeah; out of the 'spital babyyy," Cody exclaimed proudly.
They popped out of the dumpster and smelled even more like shit than they already had. This scent, along with the way the alley lighting highlighted Cody's pancake jawline, made Noel remarkably horny.
"Suck my phallus!" Cody said cheerfully.
Noel had been longing for Cody's finger dick, which resembled the nose of the short-beaked echidna. He unzipped Chody's pants and stuck his peen in his mouth violently, like an echidna in a room full of ants, to make up for his 184 Jupiter days of abstinence. Cody screeched like an echidna giving birth. He busted a phat nut, his penis lookin like an echidna's nose when it sneezes. He nutted all over the dumpster.
"This is a cumpster now," screamed Cody into the alley to no one in particular. They jumped out, soaked in semen. "Let's head to the DDP babeyyyyyy. We're well overdue for TMG's next edition. They called a Lyft (it took a while since Cody typed only with his pointer fingers), which, coincidentally, was being driven by Helen Kosjnkfghrkjdhli, Cody's wonderful mother, in her Corolla.
"Hey bb," Helen said. "Long time no see😘😘"
"Take us to the pod studio" Cody wheezed, his bronchitis acting up, "6969 Bangin' Ave" (he said "ave" because he's a douchebag who abbreviates every word (obviously)). Helen slammed the gas pedal down and got to the studio in less than a minute, swerving left and right, hitting preschool children on the way. The half-eaten quinoa salad that was once on her dashboard was now all over the g-boys. Helen was not a very good driver. She stopped her son as he was trying to scamper out the door.
"I wanted to give you this," she said with a heartfelt smile. "It was your grandfather's." She whipped out a tiny golden briefcase. In it was a singular condom. Cody smiled, awestruck that his mother would trust him with such an item.
"I'll give it back after," he said genuinely. "You'll never even be able to tell it's ever been used." Cody then raced out of the car, carrying Noel in his arms, but he tripped on the stairs leading up to the front door and fell on his face, dropping his mans on the concrete steps. Noel groaned while Cody fumbled around dumbly, trying to pick him up again, but Noel didn't trust him not to fall over again, so he swatted him away, increasing Cody's difficulty. After uncountable minutes of struggling and slipping, he finally managed to pick him up again after Noel passed out again, this time slinging him over his shoulders like a dead deer. He carried him up the remaining stairs, breathing more heavily than he ever had in his life, his bronchi more inflamed than ever. He waddled into the studio and plopped Noel down on his back. Cody took off his camo croc and waved his ugly foot in No'els face, causing him to immediately come back to consciousness and sit upright. Noel looked around frantically, realizing he had been placed in a sex swing.
"Surprise☺️❤️," Cody whispered. He had bought the swing with the money he got from selling his golden play button. He brought over some soup made from chin hairs, Chobie, and roids, and placed it in N'oels lap. Noel scarfed it down. He had never tasted anything so good in his entire life. He juiced a little bit in his pants. He whipped his schlong out and watched it become erect. Once he had reached full, hard wood, Cody jauntily stumbled over to the swing at sat right on Noels's dick. He bounced, reverse cowgirl style, up and down on the godly penis attached to No'els Pubic Area.
"This feels so much better when you're not comatose." Cody groaned. They rocked back and forth on the sex swing, going faster with each thrust. Chody took a cup from the pocket of the sex swing and came into it, his intention being to use it to heal Noe'l infections. The fall from the 9th floor of the hospital building caused him some pretty serious abrasions, and the dumpster intensified their intensity. "You got fucked up in that trash can," he muttered almost caringly.
"And you got fucked up in that ass can," Noel responded. He was still kinda strung out on pain meds, so Cody let that one slide. He power-walked to the sink to mix some soap with the semen in his cup, his ass cheeks clapping the whole way, then power-walked back to the swing and his fat ass hopped on in. He almost tripped, but he wasn't gonna cry over spilled cum. He ripped off a piece of his own merch that he was wearing and dipped it in the cup, then wrapped Noel,s skinny arm in it.
"DIY bandage," Cody muttered to no one. "How to dress your forbidden lover's wounds." He continued on to his leg, which had a nasty looking gash on it.
"This looks like my leg in Vietnam," he chuckled like a 9-year old Fortnite god. "Gotta get you some antibiotics; them shits is powerful." Luckily, he had some leftover from his Vietnightmare. "Don't tell anyone I gave you these; this is a federal crime."
Right as he said that, a SWAT team busted down his door. They flew in through the windows, shattering them. Noel fainted out of fear, but Cody froze, assuming that that would prevent the SWAT team from seeing him. They grabbed his arms and arrested him. He was read his Miranda rights and shuffled out the door.
To this day, he sits in the Venice penitentiary, hoping one day Noel will come free him, but these hopes are false. Noel has been in a coma for years; he never woke up in the first place. It was all fake and gay. Cody's wildest fantasies were just that--fantasies. He had broken out of the hospital with Noel's virtually lifeless body. He hopped on the dick of an unconscious person. This entire time, he thought he'd been in jail for illegal distribution of prescription pills, but the real reason was his kidnapping of an unconscious hospital victim, and he will never be released. The worst part? Helen never got her heirloom back. Please bail him out.
