All To Well

6. "Take me back."

Today is Thursday, the day of the funeral. I sighed and looked down as I fixed my tie and straightened out my suit. I just want to get this over with, not in a rude way but more of a 'I-wish-I-didn't-have-to-be-here-because-none-of-this-should-have-happened'. I just wish they were both still here and I was in New York with Maya and none of this ever happened.

"Lucas! Come on, let's go!" I heard my dad shout from somewhere in the front of the house. I sigh again and fix my hair before walking out of my room and shutting my bedroom door, stealing another glance at the picture sitting on my desk from when I still lived here. I made slowly made my way to the car where my parents and sister and brother were already waiting for me. I suddenly didn't want to go anymore, I was sick to my stomach. Because I knew that once we got there it would all be real and not some bad dream that I can't wake up from, because that's sure what it has felt like since I got the news. I
reluctantly climbed in the back seat with my older brother, Adam. He looked almost as bad as I did, he looked distant. I was always the one in the family who was closest to Pappy Joe because I didn't fit in. Adam was the oldest, older than me by three years, so he was always the 'cool older brother' and the jock who was on the football team and had football friends and Lacy was a girl so all of her friends were girls and I couldn't hang out with them when we were younger anyway because they would always kick me out. I had no friends, Pappy Joe, Cletis and the farm animals were my friends. And they were great friends, they were all I ever needed.

It only took twenty minutes to get to the field where their funeral was being held. "I'm not ready for this" I thought as I got out of the car following my parents to the tent where the coffins were. I just want Maya to hold me and tell it's gonna be okay. When we arrived to the tent people imediately started consolling my family and I. I just ignored it not in the mood for people to talk to me and took my seat in the front row waiting for the rest of my family so I could get this over with. The rest of my family soon joined me and the pastor began to talk about Pappy Joe and Cletis and how great they were and how tragic this accident was. After my parents talked about them at the podium, it was my turn and frankly I was nervous, I han't prepared anything to say and I knew if I didn't say the wrong thing I would start crying and I didn't want to cry in fornt of all of these people I haven't talked to in so long. As I walked up to the stage I cleared my throat trying to think of what I was going to say.

I cleare my throat once more because I could already feel the tears threatening to spill over. "What do I even say about all of this?" I began, "Growing up, before I moved to New York, these two were my best friends along with all the animals on the farm. It only just hit me that this is real on the car ride here, up until now it has all felt like a bad dream that I can't wake up from. I have none these two my entire life and right before I moved to New York I was so nervous to get a new start so I went to them and they reassured me that I would be just fine. And they were right. They always were, I made the best friends I have ever had in my life and it was thanks to them because they gave me that push and told me to get out there and make friends when I got there because they knew I would do well. They always had hope for me when I didn't have hope for myself, they believed in me when I didn't even believe in myself. My best friends are gone, and it hurts to finally admit that aloud because at one point on my life they were all that I had. Okay, I think I'm talking in circles now so I'm going to sit down now." I said as I awkwardly walked off the stage. As I passed the coffins I whispered "I love you guys so much, I'm sorry I didn't come home and see you guys more."

I took my seat and blocked everyone and everything out until it was time to go eat and then go home. We went to dinner but I barely ate the food, it looked delious but I was not in the mood to eat after everything had become so real. My mind wouldn't allow me in fear that what I ate would come back up.

In the car my parents told me something that absolutely crushed what was left of my soul; they thought it was best for me to stay in Texas and help take care of the farm since the animals knew me so well. Of course I just nodded my head not wanting to argue about it, although I knew we would eventually. Once I got home home I went straight to my room, sitting on the edge of my bed not really knowing what to do as it was already too late to go out and do stuff but to early to go to sleep. I was about to lay back when the picture on my desk caught my eye. I sat up again and walked over to the picture and grabbed it and held it in my arms. I sat on my bed again and laid back with the picture now pressed to my chest. I felt the hot tears slowly rolling down my cheeks as I thought about the day the picture was taken.

It was my sixth bitrthday and Pappy Joe and Cletis had gotten me a horse as a birthday present because I had been wanting my own horse instead of always riding Pappy Joe or Cletis' horses. It was a beautiful brown and white stallion. Me being only six; I named him Twix. That was still one of my favorite memories from Texas. The picture was of a six year me on top of the horse smiling as big as I could with Pappy Joe next to me holding me so I didn't fall off and if you looked closely you could see Cletis in the background pulling a funny face that he knew would make me laugh when I saw the picture. And it did, I laughed so hard I almost cried when my mom showed me the picture while we were eating cake at the dining room table with all of our family. Everything was so simpleback then, the only things I had to worry about were making sure I got my kindergarden homework done and making sure to go see Twix, Pappy Joe and Cletis on the weekends.

Now my biggest worry is is my girlfriend is going to break up with me because I have to move back home to Texas. Take me back.