Time [ON HOLD TILL FURTHER NOTICE]

ten

Karina's Pov

DearDiary

I cant doit. Thethoughtofhavingmyheartbrokenagain, justscaresmetodeath. i neverdidwritedownwhathappenedbetweenmeandJaydenexactly, neverstrongenough. ButI'vegottoface the music.

Jaywaspopular, andincrediblygoodlooking, hehadtheschoolathisfeet, hehadeveryoneasafriendbuttheteacherslikedhimtoobecausehewasastraightAstudent. Itwasaweirdcombinationsmart, cuteandpopularoneid never comeacrossbefore. Thegirlslovedhimto except hewouldn'twant anything todo with them.

UntilIcamealong, afrumpy, averagegirlwithasmallcircleoffriends (Isaycircleoffriendsbut it wasreallyLeela), nothing special. Heswept me of myfeet, mademefeellike I was only girl in theworld. Thiswasyear 7 (6th grade?) sowhenwegottogether Ineverthought itwaslastmorethanaweek, because we were so immature thats how long they lasted. Don'tgetmewrongIreallylikehimbut I thoughtwhen realized Iwasn't going toputouthewouldmoveon, justlikethat.

Butweeksandmonthspassed by inthe blink of aneyeandIfeeldeeperanddeeperin love. Iknowyoudon'tjustwakeup and fallin love, butformeIreallydid, we'dbeentogetherforjustunderayear, andIwokeupandIrealizedIloveJadyen.

Ikeptthis hidden until our one year anniversary, hetookmeonalovelydateandgavemea necklace withournames engraved itwasabittackybut I loved itandhaveittothis day. Butwhathappended after wasjustbeyondamazing, mymumandGarywerenotin, whenI came home with Jayden waiting insidewasmy the  DVD case to Frozen lying on a blanket with a bowl of popcorn and matching sweats, light by candles.nWe sang along to all the songs and at the end we kissed and he told me he loved me.

We dated for 4 and a half years, the whole of my time at secondary school.

Now about Leela, she is perfect and natural blonde with beachy waves that would take me years to perfect. A stunning face with freckles dotted lightly on her face and arms, she rarely wore make up because she didn't need it. I always wondered why she choose to be best-friends with me, but we did everything together yet were polar opposites it was the opposites attract theory in human form.

It was a couple of months before prom year 11 in Spring, our school was weird and decided to have prom in the middle of the year). I was picking out my dress with Jay and Lee becuase i wanted to get a head start when they told me they had something to tell me. I wasn't really that fussed until Jay blurted out he loves Lee and he's loved her since a little bit after he told me he loved me for the first time.

I didn't freeze, my phone didn't drop to the floor. I just bolted, I ran all the way home and when I got there, I didn't cry I don't know why. My doc later informed me it was because I was disconnected from the world for a short period of time. I spiralled into a deep depression and developed strong anxiety. I also started cutting. I got addicted to it up until the point where my stomach was covered and there was no space.

So I threw myself into working out. All through school I had been called fat but with Jayden by my side they bounced off like a bullets on a bullet-proof vest. But now all alone, they slowly trickled through my bullet-proof vest each one closer and closer to the heart until one hit it bang on.

I spent all my time at the gym, working out vigorously as the kilos kept falling off within a month I had toned down my bingo wings and thunder thighs, next I worked on my flabby belly discovering a 6 pack forming underneath the flab. Last I trimmed down my oversized bum into a petite rounded shape.

All of this made me fit snuggly into a size 4, I had dropped 9 dress sizes. Everyone was so shocked when I rocked up to prom in a stunning blue shimmery dress looking like a million dollars. Jay and Lee were there but they were to wrapped up in the ecstasy and adrenaline rush of being able together at last. I smiled in true happiness.

When we moved to London it was a fresh start and my defence barriers are sky high but Luke's broken most of the down but he still can't get through because there's one in the. way, and its the toughest of all. Its the one protecting my heart.

A/N

Fillerchapterforyousoyoucanunderstand Karina's thought-track Do youguyslikethesediaryentrys comment ifyoudo/don't. Ingore spelling,grammarandrandomchange from italicstonormal. Dedicatation to 2fab_4you for being awesome

stay beautiful my pretties

MM xx