Scott and Mitch have come a long, long way together, through the hard times and the good - but perhaps not far enough...
This is an idea that wouldn't go away, and the snaps of Scott's housewarming only made it worse. It don't get easier.
I thought I was done with this. Guess I thought wrong.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Scott's an extrovert. He's popular, talented, and super successful when he works hard, which is always. He's blessed, and he knows it. He greets the world with a bright happy smile, even the doubters and haters, because he's polite and well brought up and he might be able to change their minds, if he can get them to listen. So far the world smiles back, mostly.
His self belief is legendary.
Except when it isn't.
His expensive new house is a wonderful haven, filled with friends and laughter, Mark and Mason. The things he values most are all around him. He only has to wander into his living room, with its view of the Hollywood hills, Grammys and shiny baby grand piano, to know he's made it.
Tonight, it's empty. That's okay, except then the doubts start creeping in. Can he keep going? Can he do it again with Superfruit? Can he build a bigger following, get the radio play that still eludes him? Can he write another great song?
He sips a vodka tonic. Just one, tonight, or the rabbit hole will suck him in and he'll be needy, drunk texting and making a fool of himself. He's not doing that again.
He loves his boys. He's finally, properly, living out loud and proud, acknowledging their relationship in a way he was afraid to do with Alex. He hopes Alex doesn't hate him for it too much, realises he's matured. More secure in himself, able to see that the love from family, friends and fans does outweigh the criticism by a long, long way.
Throuple sex is inventive and tender and exciting in ways he never even dreamed of. They take care of him in every way. But the guys have each other, and Mitch has Beau, and tonight he's not sure where he really fits in the scheme of things.
Scott doesn't dwell on the future too much, past the next tour or album. When he does, his heart stutters. After all, Kirstie's story showed him that happy ever after doesn't always work out, no matter how much you want it.
His heart stutters.
In the farthest corner of his mind, where he doesn't look for fear of stirring up feelings he can't cover with an easy smile, a small truth hides. It whispers through the silence, louder than thought.
He pours another Grey Goose and tonic. Just one more. He stares out at the hills where darkness is creeping in, shading the sky violet and pink. Are Mark and Mason really his, or will he always be the third? Third of three in both couples, and nobody's number one.
+++++
Sorry again.
Please do share, vote, comment/yell at me. But if it won't go away, I write it down. You're welcome.
Sometimes, writing it down helps when you have thoughts that won't go away. Preferably by hand, don't know why but it seems realer that way. Download those fears and anxious feelings on the page, it's the cheapest form of therapy. Keep doing it and either the answer may come, or you can let it go. Try it this week.
