Before It's Voiced

Romance

Thank you to chaotic-panda for beta'ing <3

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romance

noun

a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love

The sun begins its slow descent down and a dusting of stars appear outside the window. Pete heaves tired breaths over his writing desk, muscles tense from bending over smudged pieces of paper for the better part of the day. Somehow, the day had become a blur of writing confessions and hiding them in folders he'll bring back to his editor, reading less emotional prose and editing in details readers will talk about tattooing onto their bodies but never follow through with. All of it bleeds together like a pen with too much ink, spreading across his thoughts and leaving no room for new ideas.

Through the dark ocean of muddled thoughts, the monsters in his mind crawl free. They claw into the shape of his exhaustion, listening in on his shuddered pants and twitching fingers tapping uselessly against the desk. Joy and cruel contentment fill their beings, dripping the poison down Pete's spine as the moon takes its place in the sky.

Soon is all they say. Soon.

Pete's hands tremble and lock in place, a piece of paper held tightly in his grasp.

"Never," he whispers back. "Never."

There's a shift in his thoughts— a breath, a sigh, a muffled laugh— and it sends panic across his skin like a winter wind. Harsh and cold but never unusual, never unexpected.

Soon, they say again. Soon.

They twist patient hatred into their words, coat their throats with a knowing smile and secrets. The fear of not understanding, the knowledge that he has every right to be afraid, forms like an itch in Pete's mind. It bothers him relentlessly, tugging and tearing and teasing and telling him he doesn't realize what's to come.

He doesn't understand what these monsters need. And he's unsure of whether or not he should want to. He's unsure of whether or not he's afraid of learning the answer or being kept in the dark. Yes, the dark is horrible and horrifying but it was in the dark that he found Patrick. It's in the dark that the stars shine the brightest.

"Never," Pete says again, stronger and more certain than he'd been before. "Never."

Strong. Certain. Confident.

The phone rings and all these feelings drain away.

Laughter snakes its way into Pete's mind, alongside the incessant ringtone he'd chosen months ago— something chiming and without a tune. Cackles and the cacophony of soon take over his mind.

Still, he answers. Desperate for any distraction, he answers.

"Hello?"

"Pete."

Not a question or a greeting. Pete smiles even as his shoulders slump.

"Oh, mom. I meant to call you but—"

"But you never did. I know how it is with you, you're probably tied up in all your daydreams, right?" She's as stern as ever and it eases a comfort into Pete's chest. Warm and light, the distraction he needed.

"Yeah, something like that," he says. "Look, I'll be back soon, I just need to—"

"Oh, no need to worry about that." She cuts him off, one of the only people who can get away with doing so. "I'm going to be heading down there soon. Thought if I couldn't get my son to come to me, might as well go to him, right?"