Purgatory (A Niall Horan Fanfic)

'Dangerous'

I sigh and open the door, my mom is standing there. I can see that she's been crying. She's been doing a lot of that lately. "What?", I snarl.

"We need to keep moving", she squeaks, her eyes bright, tears threatening to spill any second. "What the fuck are you crying for? It's not like I'm moving away to another country. The nuthouse is only an hour away, for fuck's sakes." I sling my backpack on and push my way out the door. "And mom", I add as I descend down the stairs, "Don't even pretend that you give a shit about me." She opens her mouth like she's about to say something but decides against it and just shakes her head gently.

I find Bree waiting for me in the living room when I go downstairs. She gives me a half smile and waves at me. She's had it really bad, she blames herself for not noticing everything sooner and I blame her for noticing. I know I shouldn't and I feel guilt rising up to my neck every time I see her. Guilt about not being the ideal sister, about treating her like shit but mostly guilt about letting her believe that I hate her.

I lower my head and because I have nothing to say, tell her to keep out of my room or else she'll have her own shrine in hers. I really want to hug her, tell her that I'm fine, tell her that it's not her fault that I'm being sent to a loony bin but I can't bring myself to do it, not after years and years of pretending like I'm better off without a sister.

"Ivy, sweetie", my mom says, she holds the phone in one hand and is dragging my suitcase with the other. "It's your father", she says. I take the phone from her hands. "hey, Ty." I smile. He's the only person that makes me happy and he's thousands of miles away. I talk to him for a while. He tells me about all these amazing stuff he's doing In Afghanistan and I tell him about all the amazing stuff I do at the shrink's office. I'm forced to  hang up quickly because mom repeatedly mutters about how late we are.

As soon as I get into the car, I plug my earphones in and sleep, mostly to avoid awkward parting conversations but also to get some rest, who knows when I'll sleep next.

....................................................................................................................................................................................

After throwing a fit at my mom and punching a staff in the face, I'm now at my assigned cabin. My mom is trying to unpack my  luggage and it just makes me angry. She makes me angry. Why does she care about me suddenly? She did not give a flying fuck about me just a few months ago. I feel like she's making up for lost time,like she's doing all this out of guilt. I feel like I'm her charity case, her psychopathic daughter who needs her pitying love.  I hate her. I hate the air that surrounds her. "I can unpack a motherfucking bag on my own. I'm a fucking adult, if you hadn't noticed", I snap at her. "just leave", I tell her. She turns a light shade of red. But she doesn't look angry, she looks embarrased, she looks tiny. Almost as if someone shrunk her magically. One more thing I hate about her, she makes herself look weak, like she is not capable of taking care of herself. She's a coward.

As soon as she leaves, I walk out of the cabin and start looking for Thomas. He's my "buddy", which means he'll have to show me around until I get used to the place.I find him only a few doors away. "There you are", he smiles, "The cafeteria first, It's lunch hour". I follow him. He walks upto a table with a lot of kids around it and says "everyone, this is Ivy, the newbie. Ivy, everyone." I look around, a brown skinned girl with spiky hair nods at me, "Talia", she says. The kid next to her smiles at me, he seems too cheerful to be living in this place. "Hi Ivy, They call me Bas", he says. What kind of name is Bas, I say to myself. "It's short for basketcase", he says, almost as if he read my mind. "That's rude", I say. He just smiles weirdly at me and I almost understand the nickname.

After about five minutes, I can remember amost everybody's name. The blue haired guy is called Evan, the anorexic blonde is called Nikki. Naina, a dark haired girl with sunken eyes obviously does meth. Just as I'm trying to remember his name, the curly haired kid asks me, "so, Ivy, what are you in for?"

"Harry", everyone yells at him. Right, he's Harry.

"It's okay", I defend him. "Lots of things, but mostly because I stabbed a kid, tried to slice my nerves open and blew up a lab at my old school", I say casually, almost like I'm describing a lazy afternoon. That's one trick I've learnt so far, never letting emotions show.

"You're..... dangerous", Talia says, "bet Niall will like you." 

"Him" Harry says, his eyes drifting past my head. I turn around to see a kid with bottle blond hair, a button nose and eyes so blue, you could see an ocean starting within them. He has a tiny black stud just below his lips and one more piercing on his right eyebrow, tattoos cover his arms. He has this brooding expression that could certainly pass him as 'dangerous'. I can see what Talia was talking about. He reminds me of someone, someone I had long since forgotten and I immediately decide that I hate this Niall kid.