A Winter's Ball

Chapter Nine: The Terrible Curse Of Romance

Anne always had an unusually vast scope for the imagination. She has always been reprimanded for it because she would always be lost in thought, deciding to rather live in the worlds her naive mind conjures up than in what's real. For this reason, Anne had always been optimistic and tightly bonded with her ideals; this also meant that she could see possibility in even the darkest of places. Some may see broken glass where Anne sees a million diamonds, or trash where Anne sees potential. Anne lived by her imagination; always seeing things not for the way things are but what for they could be.

But Anne never saw this coming. Even with her limitless, unfathomable curiosity, she never would have foreseen that Billy Andrews would be her secret admirer.

It was an impossibility beyond imagination.

But there he was; living, breathing proof of the inevitable spontaneity of life.

"Billy?" said Anne, breathless in disbelief.

He flashed her a kind smile, his eyes evident of relief. He took a deep breath, taking a step towards Anne who was descending down the steps.

"I was beginning to think you wouldn't come."

Anne did not know how to feel. Her emotions began piling up all at once making them incomprehensible.

"I-it was you?" She asked through chattering teeth, silently wishing she brought her coat. "You're the secret admirer?"

"Yes." He replied timidly. "Look, Anne. I know it's quite difficult to believe considering how horrid I've treated you, but please trust me." Billy said with pleading eyes. "I am so horribly sorry, and I know I've said it, but I'll say it again and again for as long as I am able. I'll do it for the rest of my life, I swear!"

"It's awfully blasphemous to make promises you can't keep, Billy."

"I don't care, Anne. The way I've acted towards you was completely unforgiveable and even ten life times won't suffice for my apologies. I have been so cruel to you...but every time I hurt you, my heart broke. Little by little. And I hated it! I hated the way I got hurt when I hurt you, I was terribly confused."

"Then why did you keep doing it?" Anne asked, now at the brink of tears. She knew that deep down, she had already forgiven Billy but all her emotions we're stirring in the pit of her stomach and she could not help but burst into tears.

"B-because...because..." Billy covered his face, frustrated at his stupidity, desperately wishing he could turn back time and  over with Anne.

"Because I wanted your attention. And then Gilbert came along and I just...I see how he looks at you and though you desperately try to hide it, I see the way you look at him too. And I was angry. Angry at Gilbert because he takes everything that's supposed to be mine. Angry at you for falling for him—"

"I didn't fall for him," Anne said, her voice soft as she cried.

"—and angry at myself because...because I ruin everything that can possibly do me some good. I ruin everything. And you...you were so different. So bold and—and determined. You seemed so delicate and fragile and your eyes marvel at everything they set upon like they were made for you but you were also fierce and smart and I admit, sometimes, scary." Billy said, stifling a humorless laugh.

Anne looked at him like she was terrified. She couldn't understand him. She couldn't understand anything.

"I couldn't understand you." Billy said as if he had heard Anne's thoughts.
"You were the one thing I can't sort out and it scared me. But now I understand. Anne, you're the best thing I've ever come across. You're amazing Anne Shirley."