When I think about who I am and who I want to become I realize I'm far from who I want to be. My life is not what I expected it to be by now, no hopes or dreams have been realized yet. Though I'm not where I want to be and certainly not who I want to be, I've come a long way already. Don't misunderstand, the road I have yet to travel is longer than the road already travelled.
When we're little and we read those fairy tales where everyone just lives happily ever after, we dream that we have a happily ever after in store for ourselves. The fairy tales forget to mention that we may not always get the Cinderella part in live. We may very well have the roll of the second maid laid out for us, or stable boy number two. We may not get to have the lead role, we always wished to have.
What will happen if we don't get the lead role, what if we were to get a secondary role and what if we don't get a role at all. Do we give up and audition for the next play, or do we become stage hands and help the people that did get a role. Do we give up on everything or do we hang on to the slight chance something will change?
What if we're not accepted in this line of work, or at all. How can we know that what we are given is given to us in pity or in faith? And what if it was given in pity, do we accept the given or do we decline due to the little pride we still have? If it was given in faith, then what do we do when we fail? Do we bow our heads and apologize for not performing well or do we rise our heads and hope next time it will go better?
The road I've travelled wasn't an easy one, and the road ahead doesn't look any better than the road travelled. What if we decided to quit while we've accomplished a small victory, instead of taking a risk and maybe achieve a great victory in the future? Would that make us cowards or would that make us smart. There is no guarantee that we will achieve the great victory, what if we fail miserably what then? Will we get laughed at by those who stepped out once they achieved a small victory or will we be supported by those who eventually failed as well?
And when we fail, do we start again? Will we get send back to the beginning of the road, then all the miles travelled so far would have been a waste of time. Is it not better to just give up, to not try again after all? Or is it smarter to start again, in spite of what happened the last time we went down this road.
If we do start again, will the knowledge we gained in the past help or will it just fill our minds with doubt? What do we say to those who have come to seek our help along the road? Do we help or not and if we decide to help them will they accept our advice or turn around and say we failed the first time so why trust our advice? What if they accept our advice and end up failing in the end, are we responsible for their failure? Did we play a part in their failure? Will they blame us for their failure and should we have not given them advice?
What if they make it and we don't, will we resent them for making it or do we resent ourselves for giving them the advice in the first place? Will we ever give someone advice again, just to see them make it while we struggle to get an inch further? Why did we help them in the first place, why not let them figure it out themselves? Is that a selfish thought, should we not support one another?
No matter how things might turn out, we ought to be supporting each other, not resenting one another. But why make it so hard for us to be happy for one another. Why when they pass and we fail do we resent one another? Did we not support each other along the way, surely we should be happy about their success, should we not? Why do we indulge the feeling of resenting one another for their success? Is it because we are jealous of the fact that they succeeded where we failed, or is it because we wanted them to fail? And why?
Society is strange like that, we want others to succeed but we ourselves want to succeed as well. If they succeed and we don't , we resent them for succeeding. When we succeed and they don't we feel sorry for those who didn't. Is there no world where everyone can succeed? And if there is, are they content with their lives or are they bored because they can achieve whatever they want in life?
Is there any way for all of us to be content, without completely destroying each other? When do we even know we are content, does it show in our relationships, work, products or in something else? And what if we are content, but then change our minds and want something other in life? Do we get rid of the old or do we exchange our lives for a better one?
And what do we do when us being content depends on other people's misery, if so then those people won't be content which would mean not everyone can be content. Are we willing to take someone's happiness away for us to be able to be content, or do we cope with what we already have and wish that someone happiness? Do we chose ourselves or do we chose the other?
Would it be considered not selfish if we were to take one person's happiness to be able to be happy ourselves. After all it would be their happiness or ours. What would they chose, their own happiness or ours? What if we decided to grant them happiness but if they were to be in the same situation they wouldn't grant our happiness. Do we resent them for not wanting us to be happy, or do we understand where they are coming from an accept that they wouldn't sacrifice themselves for us as we would for them?
Who is to say that seeing the other happy doesn't bring happiness to ourselves? If we truly cared about them shouldn't we be happy that they are truly happy together? Do we care that their happiness leads to our failure?
Who is to say that their happiness will last and if it doesn't, does that mean that we get to be happy if that happens or do we still get to be the failures? Did they lose their chance at true happiness or do they get another chance? Would we grant them another chance if it was up to us or do we resent them for not treasuring their happiness to the fullest of their abilities? Do we try to see the situation from their perspective or do we celebrate for we finally have a chance at true happiness?
If we could choose to be content for the rest of our lives or to be happy for half of our lives, which would we choose? Would we choose the safe route and be content for the rest of our lives? I mean being content is not a bad thing, but it is not as good as being happy. And if we choose to be happy, what will happen when half of our live is over. Who is to say that we won't be content afterwards, and what if we stay happy no matter what happens? But what if we go from happy to miserable just like that? Will we resent the choice we made at the beginning or do we appreciate the happy times already spent?
