familiar faces (living with the pastas)

i wish it'd been me

 I unpack the items from my backpacks and extra bagged things. I jump on to my new queen size bed,and giggle in excitement.I HAVE MY OWN ROOO000oooom!!!I shout in excitement. I open one of my bags and grab my dearly beloved laptop I named Landon and I reach in on the side of the bag to grab my headphones and laptop charger.I'm glad we moved here 2 weeks before my 16th birthday,I think to myself.Then realization hit me like a rock. When I was 12, my mom and I made a deal that I couldn't have a boyfriend until I turned 16,a wish that I've always wanted one since 6 years old. YEREAKA ,I shouted in my head.That sixteen excitement turned to sadness as i began to think of how a person like me is suppose to find a boyfriend as loyal as a dog.I flop on my stomach and plop my head into my pillow and i began to think of what i'd be like if i had a boyfriend. I laugh to myself as my thoughts shifted to the deal I had with my mom about me not loosing my virginity until i'm 18.then i think of what would happen after my 18th birthday,i think of my cartoon boyfriends and me.i began to chuckle of what i would do to them if i had a chance.oh captain levi take me in the barracks,show me your private training lesson captain... Paypay (<--my nickname)momma wants you,my 12 year old bother i mean brother shouted out side my room door.i pounce off my bed and run outside my room to help my mom with whatever she needs,i come back about 11 minutes later after helping her with things she needed help.i then think about how my mom makes me clean up more than him ,when they both know I've been in my room the whole time not dirtying up things like him.I think of how much she cherishes him more then me and gives him more attention.i think i how i miss my dad and wish it was me who died and not him.i know he tried to kill us but that was him high on drugs, i miss what he was like sober.a nice father. Then i feel my eyes began to sting from hold too much tears,and i blink them away as i think of the fun times we've had.i used to rarely cry but ever since my dads death I've been a gloomy emotional person.And just to know he was to only person who'd stand up for me,the only person who'd help,AND the only person who'd care i really hurts me inside to know he's gone.I began to sob as i slowly walk over to my bed and slam head first to my bed and crawl face down to my pillow and began to sob more. i cry for 4 minutes and slowly began to drift off to sleep and the last thing i said to myself was, "i wish it'd been me"