One Shot - Say Something

SAY SOMETHING

“Say something I’m giving up on you..”

The song kept playing for how many times. I want to curse whoever wrote this song, I hate how every line hit a nerve. I hate the fact that I’m crying for something, rather, someone who don’t even deserve a single drop of tear.

**

“Sila na ulit.” Balita ng kaibigan ko sa akin, I tried to keep calm. I tried to look okay, “Okay ka lang?” And I guess I failed. I’m not. Gusto kong sumugod, gusto ko siyang tanungin bakit.

Bakit sila ulit?

Pano ako?

Pano naman ako?

“Kumalma ka, te.” She held my clenched fist, opened and ran her fingers on my palm. It helped. A little. But I still feel terrible.

“Tangina niya. Tangina nilang lahat.” I said and gritted my teeth. Nagpipigil akong umiyak, no hindi ako iiyak. Not in front of these people with their pitiful judging looks. I don’t need their fucking pity.

Umuwi ako magisa, umuwi akong lutang. Wala pa rin sa sarili. Naghahalong galit at inis at sakit at lahat na yung nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko alam pano ko nakayang makauwi pa.

“Arkin Martinez is in a relationship with Jessica Pascual.” Bungad sa facebook. Tangina talaga.

I don’t know what I did to deserve this kind of pain. Hindi ako tanga noon pero nagpakatanga ako para sa isang lalaking tulad ni Arkin. I thought I was good enough  to be loved back, I thought there was something in me he could try to love instead of that girl.

I signed out of facebook, and just finished my requirements. Wala akong ibang ginawa kundi tapusin na lang yung mga dapat kong tapusin.

I guess a broken heart is an effective cure for procrastination.

Pero tangina pa rin nilang lahat.

**

“Marie..” Napatigil ako sa pagbabasa, I was focused on reading this calculus book when someone I’m learning to hate sat across my seat, “Pansinin mo naman ako.” I didn’t look up. Tinuloy ko ang pagbabasa. Siguro kung okay kami, hindi ko kelangan magfocus dito dahil tuturuan naman niya ko. He’s a future accountant, anyway. Baka isang pacute nga lang niya, bumigay na ko.

Pero iba na ngayon.

“Marie..” Nang hindi ko na matiis, sinarado ko ang libro at basta na lang iniwan. I stood up and walked out. Hindi ko kayang makausap siya. Not now when I know his purpose.