There were a lot things I was supposed to do and this was definitely not one of them. My phone started buzzing impatiently in my bag, but I quickly shut the sound off. There would be no one able to reach me, which was what I wanted anyway. The traffic light sprung to green and the cab sped forward. It smelled like old cigarettes and wet coats in here, a smell that made goose bumps appear on my arms. I was pretty sure that this cab driver was charging me too much money, but at this point I didn't really care anymore. Money had never been the issue anyway.
I tugged at the scarf that was wrapped around my head. The deep folds of fabric cast my face in shadows. Not even this driver was to know of my identity. I looked outside of the window. The sun made everything seem a little bit more golden than it usually was. It looked warm and sunny outside, but that fooled no one. The cold went right through your clothes and the sun did nothing to warm you up. A cold numb feeling had settled deep in my bones and my hands still hadn't regained their full warmth. I tucked them into the pockets of my coat, only to find the sticky leftovers of some melted candy. I was getting cold feet as well now. This hadn't been a good idea, I knew that. But this was my only option, wasn't it? The only thing that would them leave me alone.
I was so tired of not being able to look someone in the eye, afraid of what they might see. Tired of a light following me everywhere I went, making sure that there were absolutely no shadows left for me to hide in. It left me naked, my pale skin for everyone to see. It was only when I was acting that I could shake that sensation off, when I could be someone else entirely for a moment.
A familiar feeling settled in my chest. I hated that it felt familiar. I'd rather have it as an old friend, someone you didn't see in a while. But with every turn, around every corner it would be waiting. It would greet my like old friends do, without hesitation and all at once. I never knew when it would find me again, but there was one thing I was absolutely certain of, it would always be breathing down my neck.
We were driving through the suburbs now. Some parks were parked along the street and a small group of children was playing hopscotch on the sidewalk. I took a deep breath to calm myself down. Today would be the day. I had woken up so many times thinking that that would be the day. As it turned out, it never was. My open window would picture the sky and even though it seemed so close by, I had never been able to reach it. I shook my head. I would not be a coward again.
My heart stopped for a moment when I recognised the cars that I tried to run from so badly. There was no way they had found me this quickly. Suddenly we were surrounded. Swarmed by ants, crawling, trying to find a way in. A big flash in my face blinded me for a moment. "Come on!" I screamed and we sped forward. I was still seeing spots when we suddenly came to a halt. My body was lurched forward, my seatbelt hanging useless to the side. Glass splintered everywhere. Someone screaming. Was it me? A sharp pain erased all thoughts from my consciousness. A black abyss opened up and I found my carrying myself towards it. A soft inviting blanket was waiting for me and the shadows tucked me in like I was a small child, while singing a soft lullaby. Slowly, very slowly, I felt my heavy eyelids come to a close.
