The Life, Love, and Lies of Eleanor Myers

Chapter Two

"Sorry, dear, you're just not what we're looking for."

I was sitting at the bar on Cheshire Avenue, sipping hot chocolate with thick caramel drizzled over the whipped cream. I repeated those obnoxious eleven words, mocking, "Sorry, DEAR? Who actually says that anymore?"

Matt looked back at me with sympathetic eyes, smirking slightly. He pulled his pale hand through his curly blond hair, the same light color as the chest hairs shyly peaking out of his unbuttoned black shirt.

"Begin with the second scene, please," a relaxed voice laced with authority had told me; my thoughts flashed back to earlier that day. I'd completed the first read-through effortlessly. But now, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get the emotions right on the second.

In this acting audition, I was very familiar with the character; when I walked in, I WAS the character. I had a knack for looking into a character and understanding what made them tick. I'm not sure how exactly this worked, but once I could develope the character, it was instant mastery.

Some say that my mom used to be the same way, a gifted actress who had unlimited potential. Part of me knew that what I tended to struggle with was the emotion and expression under the pressure of auditioning. The pressure made me forget. Thinking of my mom going through auditions, just like me, made me forget. Sometimes, I just couldn't handle the pressure. It's impossible to compare to someone like that, and I knew I could never escape it. Somehow, today I had lost a crucial piece of my composition that had kept me together, and I panicked. My mom flashed into my head, and even though I pushed her out, bitter wisps of her presence in my thoughts still lingered.

The entire audition was spent in what was, luckily, a surreptitious panic attack. I figured I'd have a slight chance of being considered, what with my experience and young age, but in the end my fantasies came crashing down with just those few words.

I was beginning to seriously question why I still continued with these auditions. It obviously wasn't working out, despite everything I believed I still had to offer. Somewhere deep down, I walked into those auditions knowing that they would know. They'd know about me, they'd know about my mom, and they'd reject me. And more often than not, they knew.

I know that I was perfectly capable of doing any acting jobs they had offered me, but I was starting to think that these job offers weren't legitimate. These directors only wanted an up close and personal encounter with the one and only "Ellie Myers", child of the late Stella Myers.

But I was jynxing myself, and I knew it. I was holding myself back from doing my best. And above all, I was scared.

The bar's entrance door swung open, interrupting whatever encouragement Matt had been in the middle of giving me. I shivered and turned towards the disturbance. A man in a brown suede jacket walked in, followed by a small child and a whirlwind of autumn leaves.

"Mama!" called the little girl who meant more to me than life itself, Zoe. Her eyes, the brilliant color of the sea, shone brightly up at me as she extended her short arms to the barstool I was perched on. I pulled her up and set her in my lap, giving her a hug that was probably a little too tight.

She was a mirror image of me, with her chestnut tinted hair, heart shaped face, and slightly upturned nose. Except for the eyes. Those beautiful, awful, deep-as-the-ocean eyes.

We seated ourselves in the favorite booth of ours, ordering French fries and nachos. "Thanks Joseph, for bringing Zoe along with you," I told Matt's boyfriend, pulling my little girl into my lap. It still amazed me how perfectly she felt in my arms.

"It's no trouble at all, Eleanor," Joseph replied, pecking my best friend on the cheek.

Zoe squealed, burying her face into me neck. "Ewww!" she cried. We all laughed, and I kissed her soft brown hair.