chapter 1: wretched me

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I could feel it stir inside me. Its toxic ways lulled my thoughts into fantasies of thrilling dreams. It was safe here, a place where I wielded power unlike any I’ve ever tasted. Stickiness trickled from my lips, the sweet taste made me smile. It was the taste of Alex. That’s when I saw him. Alone with head bowed in the darkness.

“Alex?” My voice echoed as I drew closer.

He lifted his eyes, dark and fathomless, his grin just as empty. But that wasn’t what shocked me. A mark, red shining against black, broke the flesh of his neck. It was at that moment that I wiped my mouth. Dark blood stained along the length of my arm.

“The magick of allspell can not save you from what’s to come.” His voice spilled from his mouth like coiling snakes around my heart.

“What? What are you talking about?” But I remembered how I had bitten him. It was the only way we could defeat the monster—my magick alone was never enough. I knew that. Alex knew that. The Shadoweaver knew that. I had to make a snap decision, it was one that left me feeling so alone these days as I had to make Stormhold believe I had betrayed them just so that I could transfer my power into Alex.

Something small and dark had sprung to life deep inside. It left me starving for human companionship, though I was constantly surrounded by the coven, I couldn’t help but feel alone.

In the distance, loud hisses rose, like the millions of leaves in a storm. My heart froze. I knew that sound all too well . . .

Like an ocean of black, the shadows rose around us, rippling and stretching their formless bodies. I screamed, lost my footing, and collided into the serrated surface of the cavern floor. This time, Alex didn’t help me. A little smile slid over his lips and he turned, the bite on his neck filled me with horror.

Did I draw his blood? Why would I do such a thing to someone I loved so dearly? I whirled around and ran from Alex. I ran from the shadows. I ran from myself. I didn’t stop until I realized my power could whisk me away to a place where no harm could befall—my sanctuary from all evil.

My lungs burst with hot pain as I finally arrived. I rolled upon the swaying grass, my breaths loud heaves in the night sky. I blinked wide, the full moon shined into my world and I shut it out.

The quiet moaning of the wind across the hills made me shiver. I was alone in my own skin. A world where fear and hatred and anguish rolled into one. I lifted my arm, Alex’s blood black in the silvery light.

Why had I bitten him? Why? He was the only one who ever showed me what true love could do, who awakened my dead heart after so many years of hurt. The only one who fought for me even when he knew what the stakes were.

And now, I’ve lost him. Lost him because I had chosen the feelings of invincibility over Alex.

“Help!” I cried, but the night swallowed my plea. This felt so wrong!

A sound in the distance caught my attention, and made my skin rise. The night sky sat calmly above the mountains. But as I stared longer, I saw that it stirred. Shadows writhed and twined like restless reptiles. After sensing my horror, they stopped and rose into the air, snapping, hissing, screaming as they lunged into me.

A scream rippled from my throat and I tripped on my foot, losing my balance. I remembered them! I remembered how they iced my skin and froze my soul as they frenzied on my helplessness.

I scrambled to my knees, but sharp lightning disabled me and I fell back down. The dark shadows clung, their hideous forms clouding me in. My sobs filled the night air and I covered my head with a wail. And waited. Waited for the ripping agony of my skin. But it never came.

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