Hi dad.
How's heaven treating you?
I miss you. I miss you terribly.I miss you so much that it hurts. I miss your smile. I miss the way you tease. I miss the way you laugh. I'm sacred that I might forget your voice. I'm scared that I might forget the little things about you dad. I still remember the last kiss you gave me on my forehead. The last clothing you bought for me. I can still picture you seated reading off your phone , watching TV , praying.....
I still feel you by my side. Sometimes while I'm at home working or reading I feel your presence. Sometimes it's next to me but most of the time it's in the room. I feel you watching over me.
Life's so miserable without you.
Mom's feeling so lonely without you so do I.
Everyone said things will get easier as life goes on but that's a total lie. It never got easier. There's a gaping hole in my heart and nobody could fill it. Some days it hurts so bad that I feel it bleeding and some days it's tolerable but it exists. I know I'm not the only one who has lost a parent but nobody prepared me to the pain I feel. It's more than a year , almost two years but the wound is raw. I'm still learning to cope and live with it.
I have to shoulder all burdens of life from earning to cooking to cleaning to looking after mom.
I used to be so carefree but now im full of responsibility.
Some days I can't even breathe.
I had to change schools so I could work closer to home.
Decision of changing school was hard, I did it so I could be closer to mom but it didn't do good to me. I had a hard time making friends. I had a hard time following the schedule there. They have diffrent methods of writing notes of lessons and schemes. This school is a downgrade from my previous place of teaching. The students are very vulgar, they speak their native tongue and not English even though lessons are taught in English. It took me a year dad, exactly a year to settle down. To make friends , to smile again.
Life's hectic dad. I've stopped my higher education since it's too expensive to continue.
Mom is sick dad , she's half paralysed. I have to feed her , dress her , take her to the washroom , clean after her.
It's like I've lost both you and mom together dad . I feel all alone. Most night is spent crying. I was so strong , that I never cried but now everything makes me emotional.
I don't socialize much now dad. I don't have the time.
My day is spent by waking up early morn , cleaning the house , cooking , going to school , spending time with mom , cooking dinner , cleaning , doing school work and then sleeping.
When you were alive my days were spent by waking up late to a cup of coffee next to my bed , going to school, coming back home , sleeping and enjoying the rest of the day.
Those days seems to be long gone.
I really wish you were here dad. I miss you so much.
Before I forget , I'm getting married at the end of this month.
I will not have you to walk me down the aisle. I will not have you to my first dance.
I'm not gonna be a daddy's princess cuz I have no dad anymore.
I wish you were here.
There's a lot of regret in my mind.
I wish I knew more about your sickness and looked after you more.
I wish I made you smile more.
I wish I could have made you proud of me.
I wish I was a better daughter to you.
I remember your last few days like it was yesterday. I remember the days scene by scene. I remember your funeral scene by scene too. How the relatives who didn't give a shit about you while you were alive cried a river of tears.
I wish to hold you for one more minute.I wish to atleast speak to you dad.
Just for one minute.
I know it's not gonna happen. I can only pray for you dad.
I love you a lot.
I promise to be strong and live the life you wanted me to.
