I've roamed a lot, full of painful wounds As I've come to know you, I'm starting to eat the foods I hated and use words I never used, Becoming more and more like you
I never knew the true meaning of the word love. I was too focused to live my every day at full, hiding from the world my suffering, all the pain that I carried in my heart, all the unpleasant experiences that had changed me and made me who I was. And only then, after all that sorrow, I met you Ryōsuke. In a blink, you managed to make me feel not wrong, not dirty. You managed to make me feel good finally! You helped me change, in the better this time. After that day I also started eating foods that I didn't even dare to taste before, but above all I started to use more and more words that I never thought I could pronounce, because I felt them distant from me, I thought that I didn't deserve to even pronounce them. The more time passes and the more I become like you!
Is that how love is? Or is it just me? My awkwardness self makes me uneasy It's strange, because I'm so happy It's strange, since I'm smiling Even if I can see you everyday, I'm afraid I've changed so much for you, I'm afraid of being alone again
Is this how it feels to be in love with someone? Or is it just me? My shyness and my habit of hiding myself, keeping everything to myself, make it difficult to understand what I am feeling right now. I don't know if it's right. I feel embarrassed because I'm happy finally, I keep smiling without an apparent reason and when someone asks me the meaning for the smile on my face I have to say that there is no real reason. Because, who will ever understand me? All of a sudden I'm like the happiest person in this world and it's strange that the reason for my happiness is a person that I can't even have at my side concretely. I've changed so much since I met you, all for you. Even if it was a spontaneous and unconscious change, I'm glad I did it. But now I'm also scared... because the more time passes and the more I fall in love with you, Ryōsuke. And I'm afraid that one day I'll find myself alone again.
As I think about you, as I become more like you, My fears increase Is that how love is? Or is it just me? My awkwardness self makes me uneasy It's strange, because I'm so happy It's strange, since I'm smiling Even if I can see you everyday, I'm afraid I've changed so much for you, I'm afraid of being alone again
The more I find you in my thoughts, the more I fall in love with every little gesture of yours, every little word of yours, every wonderful smile of yours and the more my fears grow. It's strange, this situation is. And also this feeling, which sometimes seems so wrong, so impossible. Is this really love? Does being in love really mean wanting to spend the rest of one's life with a person, despite everything and everyone? Does it really mean not being able to see anyone else than your loved one? There are so many unanswered questions in my head, questions that don't even leave me sleeping at night. And the most important is: will you ever feel the same emotions that I now feel for you? I've changed so much in these years when you've crowded every corner of my heart. It's the first time in my whole life that I fight with my all for something, for someone. It's the first time I'm not willing to give up... but I'm afraid I'm doing everything wrong Ryōsuke. My weakness keeps me trapped and doesn't allow me to do what I want, to come and get you. Maybe I'm just afraid of really loving you with all of myself.
Have I really been thinking that I was afraid? I'm really sorry, it's because I love you I can't help it, I'm sorry I'm sorry to have asked you 'Do you love me?' It's because I can't put my trust in love Even if I can see you everyday, I'm afraid I've changed so much for you, I'm afraid of being alone again
Am I really thinking of being afraid? I'm sorry, you don't deserve the weight of all my insecurity. But that's all because I'm really in love with you, I really love you... I just want to be sure I can be with you, to become your only happiness. This is all I hope to have in my life. I'm sorry to have asked you a thousand times if you love me... but I did it because I need to hear it, I want to hear it from you. I need someone by my side now, someone who can support me and make me feel protected. Because now I feel so damn helpless and fragile. I've never had confidence in myself, even you know it by now, but lately I'm no longer able have trust in any other aspect of life. But unfortunately I never ever got any answer from you, not even once. I never got an answer from you... to feel a little better I try to force myself to think that what really matters is only your happiness! Because as long as you are happy, I will also be so in my heart! It's such a difficult and strange situation... and now I'm afraid... am I really going to be alone again?
Even if I can see you everyday, I'm afraid Because this is the kind of love that's hard to come across again in my lifetime How strange my heart really is
Even though I feel you by my side every day, you are not really here... I can't imagine the warmth of your body by my side, every day, every night, while I cry because once again the fear is getting the better on me. This is the kind of love that come across only once in a lifetime. And for me it is also the first true love... and whatever happens, whatever fate has in store for me, I will never ever forget it. I will keep you forever in my heart! ... and in the meantime I continue to hope that one day you will reciprocate my feelings
A/N: First of all, sorry for the grammatical errors that may be there. Unfortunately English is not my mother tongue. Thank you for reading this FanFic. This is the first time I have written a Fanfiction with Yamachan as protagonist. Even if I don't know if you can really define him as protagonist in this case! I hope you enjoyed it and... comment, comment, comment! I'm waiting to know what you think about it and if you liked it, do not forget to vote.
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