Leanne | ongoing

009

dear diary

there's always that one sibling... or, at least one.

you know what i mean; the one who rebels, and who purposefully fights with everyone, and who is almost always angry unless they're surrounded by their friends.

well, i'm not that one. i'm the one who would've been like that if i wasn't saved, even though on a quieter level perhaps.

but my sister is that one.

and it's heartbreaking to see how she flings my parents' love back in their faces...

...how she destroys trust, and gets angry, and ruins the love the youngest siblings have for her.

and no matter what i do- what my mother or my dad does- she won't change. of course she doesn't- no one's trying to change her.

it will be her own decision if she does.

and until then, it's hell. it's hard to love her when she bites your head off and smashes your happiness into little shards.

but- she's the funniest person, made to be a comedian. the way she laughs just sets me off, too. the way she's energetic, the way she can be artistic in how she decorates, or makes things, or sculpts... it's amazing.

and it's missed, because all she does is hole herself up in her room, come out and then proceed to be angry.

i miss her... and even though she makes me mad, she makes me more sad than anything else.

i think this is almost what heartbreak feels like

with much love,

leanne