She's All I Think About

Part 4

It's not that Harry meant to ignore Anna. It's just that. He had to sort out his thoughts before he could talk to her or face her again. He had to have a real reason why he was so upset after finding her and Jake together in a bed. And he hadn't figured out how to put that reason into words. He was afraid to pass her on the street or on campus and have to give a fake smile and a makeshift explanation. He was afraid of what she would think of him. He felt terrible about ignoring her, he did. Because the longer he waited to talk to her, the worse things would get. And he knew that. But that guilt still wasn't enough to push him to talk to her.

She didn't break any rules or anything. The whole point of them doing anything together was so that she would have the confidence to go find another guy. Its just that. Harry didn't really think that another guy would come so soon. Or that Anna wouldn't tell him about the guy. Or that the guy would be a brother. Or that the guy would be Jake.

Jake's last girlfriend – well Jake never really called her a girlfriend. Jake's last girl was so fragile when he started bringing her around the house. She had pale skin and red lips and blue eyes and long lashes. And she giggled and blushed any time anyone made a suggestive comment. And Harry knows for a fact that Jake took her virginity because he bragged about it for weeks. And then Jake had done what? He had broken that poor girl's heart. One day, a group of brothers were sitting in the TV room and during a commercial Jake just blurted out hey guys, I think I'm done with her. Not so exciting anymore, y'know? And no, Harry couldn't say he knew. Because how could you lose interest in someone so quickly. How could you gain the kind of trust and respect it takes to be a girl's first time and just leave her a few weeks later? And Jake didn't even break up with her. He just stopped talking to her. Ghosted her. That's it.

So maybe that was why Harry was so upset when he found Jake and Anna together. Because Jake is a bit slimy and Anna deserves so much better. But if her told her that, she might get offended. She might get mad at him and accuse him of being jealous or not trusting her choices. She'd give him a speech about consent as if the two of them hadn't sat through the same lecture as a part of sex ed from the same biology teacher, only one year apart.

And maybe he was jealous. But how was he supposed to explain that to her either? They were supposed to just be doing these things as friends. He was supposed to just be helping her. He promised nothing would change. And he couldn't break that kind of promise. And besides breaking the promise, if he ever was going to tell Anna how he felt about her, it wouldn't be in a screaming match about another guy.

Harry didn't even know if he could put into words how he felt about her. He just knew that he thought about her all the time. That her hugs always reminded him of home, even before all of this started. That all his favorite childhood memories included her. That the smell of her shampoo was soothing when he was too stressed out. That she had the most beautiful body he had ever seen. And that he craved to have more of that body, more her soul too. But he couldn't tell her all of that. Not all at once. Not yet.

The worst part of the whole thing? Well the worst part wasn't that he caught her doing just anything with another guy, it was that he caught them kissing. He had been thinking about her red apple lips ever since they drunkenly shared that moment together after coming in from the roof. Then Anna had to go and remind him that they hadn't ever kissed. Which was only a little bit true and only a little bit false. And it was such a loaded thing to consider. Because no, they hadn't really kissed. The first one definitely didn't count because they were drunk, and she didn't even remember it and he never told her about it. And if he ever did tell her about it, she might just get mad at him for not telling her in the first place. But ever since that moment, all he wanted was to kiss her some more. And not just a little peck – really, truly kiss her with all the passion he could find in his body. He wanted to taste her lips and her tongue and explore her mouth and touch her body all over.