Self Discovery

one

I tend to think I am a christian but I get confused a lot .sometimes I don't understand myself .I grew up in a christian family .My mother was a very prayerful woman and always told us about church .My father was also a spiritual man but he went to church once in a while .My brother is older than I am and is in college already .
I have backslided a lot in my life.  I don't even know what I have not done .I am a virgin and I  thank God  . I remember the day I almost lost my virginity and that day changed me a lot.
I was an outgoing person . we had been invited to a party at my friends place. My boyfriend at the time was at this party. After having a few drinks, I was quite tipsy . Seeing the condition ,I was in he lifted me and placed me in his lap. We slowly started touching me all over and kissing my neck .I told I was tired and he took me to one of the rooms .
We started making out and his hands were all over me. Sooner than later, I was on the bed and he was on top of me . He started lifting my blouse up . I could not understand what was going on.Slowly he pulled down my pants and then my inner wear.Then I started realizing what was happening . His pants were already down .I placed my hands over my private areas and said no. He insisted saying that he just wanted to enter me  a liitle bit . I kept saying no despite his numerous attempts on me .He tried holding my hands but I still denied.He didn't even gave protection and so I couldn't risk it.
I was saved by my friend calling me and knocking on the door. I told him that I had to go and walked out of the room so quickly.
I couldn't even understand what had happened . the fact that I almost lost my virginity was too much .since then I just decided to be a loner and keep to myself. I could not imagine what could have happened if I had lost my virginity, and worse if I had gotten pregnant. You can't blame me for being paranoid.
Since then I just ignored him and I soon broke up with him for I could not risk going through that aga
again.

That was the first part .I'll update again
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Love you all