✣ Make Me Whole ✣

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This is Part 3 of the Make Me Series, so If you have not read Make me OR Make Me Over then you need to so some serious back tracking lol

 Alanna

A lot of women say that pregnancy is a beautiful and wonderful experience.

Bullshit.

For the past eight months I have been nothing less than miserable and stressed out. I’m fat and I’m always emotional and I’ve reached a whole new level of being insecure.

After a while, my nausea and sickness became too strong and I had to quit my job. It was seriously ridiculous, no one warned me about this crap. My mom was basically twice my age and she had a pretty okay experience. She never seemed to be sick and she was all belly.

But for me, at 22 it’s been horrible. I’ve gained like 40 freaking ppounds

I eat everything within a mile radius, and Dominick didn't help when it cames to that.

I hated being pregnant.

About three months into the pregnancy I moved in with Dominick. It just seemed like the best thing to do at the time. I couldn’t afford to live in my apartment without my job, and I damn sure wasn’t going to ask Dominick for rent.

So the past couple of months I've been  here with Dom.

It hasn't been bad. It's actually been good, since it's off season and he's been home alot more. Unlike me, he's gotten real comfortable with the fact that I'm pregnant. He's like this love sick puppy who can't wait for me to have the baby. And I love that about him. He makes me feel better, when I feel like shit.  And he spoils me rotten.

I just don't know whats going to happen when the baby gets here. That's when shit is going to get real, and I don't know if I'm excited about that. I mean, I love this baby growing inside of me, but I'm scared shitless.

I don't know if I'm going to be a good mom, or a good girlfriend. I don't know what's going to happen and if things will turn out for the better.

On top of that stress load, two months ago Cassie was granted visitation rights.

After all that time and stress with Lauren, things still didn't come out like we hoped. So now every weekend Dom drove back to his home town so  Cassie could see Ash. It was really hard on Dom but there was nothing he could really do, but cope with the situation. And I felt for him, but I knew first hand that it was hard to grow up without your mother.

It sucked, and even though I hated Cassie's guts, I kind of understood. It wasn't like Cassie was given joint custody, Dom was there most of the time, and  her parents were there too.

After spending most of my day in bed, I decided to get my big ass up. Mickey and Ross were probably tearing shit up, down stairs.

It had become custom that their crazy asses stayed with me while Dom was gone. It was fun, and it was the only thing I really looked forward to during the weekend.

I pulled on a robe, and went to take care of my hygiene.  For most of my pregnancy I had become a bum,  but Mickey and Ross cheered me up a hell of a lot.

"Look who decided to come back to earth." Mickie said when I walked in the den.

Her and Ross were both sitting on the floor, playing UNO on the coffee table.

"Damn straight, and don't act like you guys aren't happy to see me."

 I grabbed a pillow off of the couch and sat on it.