Not Never (Sample of Published Book)

Chapter 1 - Part 1

Ashley stood a foot away from the edge. She'd been standing here for the last five minutes, fixated on what lay beyond the ground beneath her feet. She trembled as she peered over, feeling the breeze grow stronger in anticipation.

The wind blew across her face and she breathed it in, forcing herself to enjoy the moment of exhilaration. She closed her eyes and savored the initial excitement that stirred inside. She wanted to feel alive, not go over the edge, so she stayed fixed to the spot, not daring to move.

Taking a deep breath, she allowed her senses to come alive with the excitement of being so close to danger. She exhaled slowly, finding an inner peace at the heightened thrill.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Ashley."

The intrusive male voice startled her, and she looked back to see a boy she recognized standing a few feet away, watching her. She put her hand over her hammering heart, which felt like it was about to break free from her chest. He seemed to be studying her with curiosity, not concern—an emotion she had expected under the circumstances, as she was very aware of what it looked like.

"That's a long way down," he said, taking a step closer to peer over the edge. His stance was casual, with his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

Her mind was still reeling from his unexpected presence. Maddox Larson. He was dressed in faded blue jeans with a black Metallica shirt and a worn leather jacket. His dark brown—almost amber—eyes looked past her for a moment before they settled back on her face.

She swallowed. The cause for her nervousness wasn't clear. Was it the fact that he'd caught her in a private moment, or was it the effect of a direct look from him? Trying to keep his gaze was like attempting to look directly at the blazing sun.

His cocky confidence was in the way he stood, watching her. She didn't really know him, but she knew of him. Every girl in her school knew exactly who he was and vied for his attention. He was a troublemaker. He spent more time in detention than she did in cheerleading practice. They passed each other in the school corridors, and all she really knew about him was from his reputation.

His unusual colored eyes, with perfect features, made him a hit with the girls, and the bad-boy reputation secured their hearts. But not hers. She was indifferent to his ability to charm the majority of the girls in their school. Her life was messed up; she didn't need any more complications. And he had complicated written all over him.

"No open coffin if you take this option."

His words made her frown.

"They'll have to scrape you off the ground." He paused. "You know there are easier ways."

Her frown deepened and her hand dropped from her chest. She was unsure how to explain what she was doing, standing on the edge of a cliff. She brought her focus back down to the valley below her feet.

"Pills would be less painful. A handful of tablets and you drift off to sleep. Personally, that would be my choice."

"Aren't people supposed to talk people out of things like this?" she found herself asking, surprising herself by going along with his viewpoint. "Not talking them into it."

"There isn't much I can say if you've made your mind up."

She could have told him she wasn't suicidal and ended the whole topic, but she didn't want to be forced to reveal her inner insecurity about feeling like an outsider. At times she wondered if there was something wrong with her.

She bit her lip. Ending her life wasn't something she was contemplating, but how could she explain her reason for being there?

"That's not what I'm doing." She felt obliged to explain but she didn't elaborate, making it clear she wasn't going to tell him anything more.

"Really? You could've fooled me." His voice was light and teasing.

A normal person would have called for help and would have tried to talk her into abandoning her objective, but there was nothing normal about Maddox Larson. She felt nervous in his presence and under his scrutiny.

"Why are you here?" She refused to look at him. Each time she allowed her eyes to meet his, she felt an immediate response that had nothing to do with the dangerous position she was in.

The sound of his footsteps drew closer, confirming he wasn't leaving.

"I like it out here. It's quiet."

He was here for peace, and she was here for a thrill. Opposites.

"I never took you for a nature lover," she threw at him over her shoulder.

It didn't seem to fit in with the type of person she believed he was.

"There's lots of things you don't know about me." This time there was no playfulness. "I didn't know you like to play with death."

"What do you want, Maddox?" she asked, feeling annoyed that he was invading her space. She had assured him it wasn't what he thought it was. Why couldn't he leave it at that?

"Nothing. I'm just keeping you company."

She closed her eyes briefly, feeling frustration mingle with her growing anger. He began to whistle slightly, the sound grating on her nerves.

"I want to be alone," she breathed softly, hoping it would be enough to make him leave.

"Can't do that." His voice was closer than before. "Someone has to call the authorities after you jump."

Her frustration vibrated through her with anger, and she shot him a glare over her shoulder. Then he did the unexpected again. Despite the full force of her anger, he smiled. The full effect of it slammed into her chest. She could swear her heart stuttered before it started up again and she found her breath. The only time she ever felt that same thrill was when she teetered on the edge of danger.

In that moment, she knew Maddox was dangerous to her, like the nothingness beyond the edge of the cliff. She didn't think in all the time she had ever known him that she had ever seen him smile. He usually walked around with a half smirk on his face.

"It would be a waste." His eyes swept appreciatively over her, making her skin burn under his gaze. She shivered slightly.

"What do you mean?" Her frown deepened.

"You're hot," he stated with a one-shoulder shrug, like it was a fact rather than an opinion.

Despite her irritation with him, she couldn't stop herself from reacting to his compliment. Her cheeks heated. Was he just saying that to keep her distracted, since he believed she wanted to jump?

"I'm not going to jump," she assured him dismissively before moving her attention back to the ground below her.

"Then step away from the edge, Ashley." It was the first time in their short conversation that there was a serious edge to his voice.

He had made it clear he wasn't going to leave, so it left her with no option but to do as he asked. Then another two steps before she turned slowly to face him. He studied her closely.

"I wasn't going to jump," she felt compelled to repeat, and she shrugged when he gave her a disbelieving look. It didn't matter if he believed her or not.

Standing so close to him, she realized how tall he was. She had never taken notice while passing him in the halls that she only reached his shoulder.

"Then what are you doing?" he asked with a thoughtful look.

How did she explain that it gave her a rush she rarely felt in day-to-day life? Most days she just trudged through each hour, feeling numb. A breeze lifted her skirt slightly and she stopped it from lifting higher with her hand.

"It's none of your business," she told him, wanting to put a stop to his prodding questions.

Catching her in a private moment was bad enough, she wasn't going to tell him her reasons why. They weren't friends, they were nothing. They had never even talked before and she didn't expect that to change after today.

"I'm not suicidal." He didn't react to her words. Staring into his eyes, she noticed again what an unusual color they were.

He seemed to see deeper than anyone else had bothered to look. He was so self-assured, unlike her. She felt like a mess trying to keep the curtains closed so no one would see what was going on beneath the surface.