Save Me

•~ 01 ~•

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Group: BTS  |   !suicide!
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Sometimes I wonder if I could've told him the things he wanted to hear. Sometimes I wonder if it was my fault for what happened. I know it was my fault for what happened. The notes pinned on his bulletin board were left unseen, the shrugs across my shoulders told me everything was okay. But I knew it wasn't. I knew it would all crumble and I would be the one left to forget.

It was like every other day, dance practice and rehearsal, we ate lunch together and laughed while we walked to our dorm.

But nobody could sense what was to be left by the frail human. Nobody could sense the scars behind his smile nor the pain spread gently across his smiling eyes.

I watched his hands as the chopsticks between his fingers danced around the raw fish. Sushi was always something he would limit to eating, It was only something he would eat if a special event was to take place.

And I knew that. But I was too ignorant to take part. I was too positive that his smile was genuine and his hugs were warm.

But they weren't. They were cold. Emotionless. Forced.

I remember everything. His icy hands. His cold expression, the way his eyes drained of emotion. Drained of life.

Once he finished eating, he didn't bother to say goodnight. He didn't even bother looking back with the sweet smile like every night.

And like every night, I ignore it. I ignore him.

But it was to be the last time I would ever ignore him.

The chopsticks gripped between my fingers dropped to the empty plastic container while the hurl in my stomach confirmed I was done eating for the day. Whilst my feet pattered against the cold wood beneath, I turned the corner down the hall to the bedroom him and I shared. The cold feeling of loneliness filled the room while small whimpers left the single bathroom.

Jungkook.

My feet carried me to the door, my fist knocking against the soft wood. My heart collapsed and my gentle words were left unheard as the crying soon stopped.

"Baby?"

The heavy breathing slowed as the sound of a single heartbeat consumed my fragile ears. Cracks between my voice increased while tears brimmed the black eyeliner across my eyes.

My eyes flicked tears down my red cheeks as the click of the bathroom lock played in my ears. The door was cracked open, revealing a sniffling red-eyed fragile boy, his eyes piercing into mine as his hand was placed onto mine. I whisper his name before gripping, his fingers intertwined with mine as the last moments we'd experience together was slowly fading.

I didn't know that, though.

I didn't know that it'd be the last time I'd see our baby maknae, the last time I'd see his beautiful brown eyes and hold him close in my arms.

His hand left mine, the rush of cold air and guilt releasing into my lungs as his hand slipped a paper onto mine before his body fell limp across the bathroom tile. The small shiny razor danced across the cold stone before landing on its side, crimson staining streaks onto the floor.

It was like slow motion.

My cries muffled as my knees hit the floor, his eyes drained of life as a small smile played across his lips. His body acted as his soul was taken from its confines. His smile reminisced across my sight as one single heartbeat echoed in my ears, until there was none left.

My legs skidded across the slick tile as my arms cupped his lifeless body, his cold skin clinging on for any sign of life.

Cries echoed across the walls of the bathroom and attached bedroom, forcing the other members to climb their way to the origin. But they froze. Their eyes glued on the small helpless boy cupped in my warm embrace.

My tears spread across my guilty face as the beeps of Namjoon's phone dial rang in my ears, and before I knew it, the fragile boy's body was being forced from my grip, his touch leaving mine forever.

It's just a dream, I told myself, Just a nightmare.

I remember my useless thoughts echoing in my mind like it would somehow transform into a dream. But dreams never have a happy ending.

He died that night, the letter he left in our last goodbye remained clutched in my grip.

His heartbeat still echoes my ears as I slowly stand, the pain in the small boy's eyes and against his bunny smile played on repeat in my mind as I unraveled the small paper.

'I don't want you to save me.

I want you to stand by my side as I save myself.'