We Don't Talk Enough

16. I Love You.

"Two chocolate chip mint ice creams please. Yeah, two scoopes each. Thank you." Zayn hears Harry ordering the ice creams. His heart aches at the thought that Harry still remembers his favourite. He looks at him with adoration when he sees him walking towards him with two ice creams, one in each hand.

"Here." Harry hands him one. Zayn nods at him as thanks and starts walking towards the beach. The security guard just smiles at them and lets them in without questioning anything.

"So, when did you start enjoying chochip-mint? I thought it tasted like toothpaste to you?" The half-Pakistani lad chuckles as he takes a seat on the sand, the exact place they used to sit whenever they would come here three years ago.

"People can change in three years." Harry shrugs as he stares at the ocean in front of them, licking the sugary delight.

Zayn doesn't say anything after that. They let the sound of the waves clashing against the sand take over them.

"Why did you say we never talked?" Harry asks after a long silence, after they both are finished with their ice creams. It's the question that has been eating him alive since he read the news.

"I-I don't know."

"You don't know?" Harry laughs at that. A bitter laugh. "You said that yourself Zayn. Did anything that happened between us ever mattered to you? Wasn't what we had between us worthy of acknowledgement? I understand that you never loved me, but we were friends before everything started."

"I never loved you? Funny, because it's you who never loved me Harry." Zayn chuckles. He tries hard not to let a single tear slip from his eyes, but one still does.

"Yeah? Says the one who left me? Some kind of love you had for me there, mate." Harry chuckles. Now that both started, they can't stop.

"I never left you, Harry. Yes, I left the band. But I never left you." Zayn says emphasizing the 'you'. "I even tried to contact you, but you just had to be an asshole and never reply. And you are saying I never loved you? Wow."

Harry shuts up at that. He never considered that thought. Now that he thinks about it, maybe he read the situation wrong?

"But you went into a relationship with Gigi." Harry accuses, not wanting to admit his fault.

"I had to, God damnit." Zayn says, frustrated. But there's also a hint of hurt in his voice that is making something inside Harry's heart ache. "Perrie accused me of cheating, Harry. People were going at me saying I am a cheater. I had been going through an eating disorder. People started hating me. I needed someone. I needed you, but you werent there." At this Zayn doesn't care if he is crying because fuck, he has been hiding these emotions for years. "And she was there for me. She was there when I needed a friend. When all of you turned your backs to me. When no one was there. Yeah, we weren't in a real relationship but at least she didn't act like a stranger like-"

Zayn doesn't get to complete his sentence because Harry is now hugging him. He is hugging him tight and Zayn can't stop himself when he hugs him back. He didn't realise how much he missed his warmth until now. He didn't realise how much he had missed Harry.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Harry cries, hugging him. He has been so into his own misery that he never considered how Zayn was feeling. Yes, he heard about Zayn's eating disorder and he would be lying if he said he didn't feel miserable about it. He thought he failed as a partner when he realised, he didn't know what Zayn had been going through.

"I had to go to therapy." Zayn admits. Harry feels like everything is closing on him as Zayn starts to admit everything. "I was miserable. I missed you. But you were not there."