Touched by the Fear

[5]

When the final bell rang, everyone rushed towards the door. Talk of the scrimmage and party after had filled the air with excitement. It was contagious and Hollis felt herself smiling. The anxiety faded away to but a small reminder in the back of her mind.

"Hollis!" She stopped mid-walk, turning in the direction of the voice. Seeing Mrs. Carrillo, Hollis crossed the hall and entered the classroom the young teacher disappeared into.

"I'm glad I caught you." Mrs. Carrillo leaned against the edge of the desk. "I've been looking over the recent submissions for the school's literary magazine, and I failed to see anything from you."

Hollis brushed a hand through her hair. "That's because I'm not going to submit anything."

"You were working on something last year. A short story, was it?"

"Yeah, well, a lot's happened since then." Playing with the strap of her bag, she looked down on the floor. "I was going to send that but I never finished it. I don't think I can finish it."

"So, write something else," she suggested. "Take a recent experience and twist it, turn it into something unique." Mrs. Carrillo smoothed down the front of her skirt before continuing. "What about photography? I've seen some of your work and, honestly, it's great. Why not pair a picture with a short story?"

An uncertain smile appeared on her face. "I don't know. Honestly, I haven't written or photographed anything all summer. I don't even know where I would begin," she confessed with a sigh. "I guess...I don't think I'm ready for this. I'm not sure I even want it anymore."

Mrs. Carrillo surveyed her. "I'm going to be honest with you, Hollis." She rearranged a few papers and held them by her side. "You're a creative and passionate writer. It's one of the first things I noticed about you last year. The thing about writers is that they feed off of their experiences, good or bad. I know you've been through something unimaginable but I think you should use that to your advantage. Turn that into a work of fiction or non-fiction, use it for therapeutic reasons but write something." She stayed quiet, allowing Hollis to take in the words. After a couple seconds, she continued. "The same goes with photography. I don't know much about it but it's also a creative outlet, right?"

Hollis considered this for a moment. It was a good idea. This could help her more than the psychiatrist sessions she's had over the course of the summer. She was sure that she could find an old picture and write a story around it. There were many directions she could go in but she was still hesitant. Somehow, this felt like another way of moving on with her life. She knew that she had to and that she wanted to but, at the same time, it scared her. "I don't know," she said when she looked up at her. "It sounds like a good idea but..." She trailed off, unsure of how to continue.

"I don't want you to miss out on this opportunity, Hollis, no matter how small it is." Mrs. Carrillo seemed unfazed by her answer and continued to make her case. "I want you to write something. Anything." She held up her hand, stopping Hollis from interrupting. "I'm not making this optional. By the end of next week, I want you to turn something in. It doesn't have to be for the magazine if you don't want it to be. But I don't want to see you stop writing."

Mrs. Carrillo's words warmed her, and she couldn't keep the smile from appearing on her face. "Alright. I can't promise anything but I'll try."

"Good. I'm glad to hear that." She seemed pleased by her answer and held out a piece of paper for Hollis to take. "Just in case you do want to enter it in the magazine."

Hollis took the application from her. The guidelines and submission form stared her in the face. She nodded, putting the paper in her bag. She also took this as her cue to leave. The scrimmage was probably well underway and, she wanted to catch some of it. Stopping at the door, she turned to look back at Mrs. Carrillo. "Thank you," she said.