Moon Vine

Explaining Part II

Emi and Cass had this look on their face, like they were angry and upset at the same time. They promised they wouldn't say anything, but Luna had stormed off. I knew I couldn't stop her, but I don't think any of us could get over the fact such a strong girl like her could be hurt that bad to leave those scars on her arms. She'd told me that her Dad had always thrown things and broken things, sometimes she'd get hit with shards of glass, sometimes he'd attack her with those shards of broken things and she'd put her arms up in defence. She'd told us we didn't need to tell anyone because her Dad had moved out, he was gone for good, and her brother was going to look after her. And yet, she wouldn't respect that I didn't want her to tell anyone, now I have no way of knowing who knows, or what's happening. I'm completely in the dark.
"Ivy, please say something!" Emi begged, "The others are gonna be here any minute and you're lost in your thoughts again. We promise we're not gonna say anything, but if Hugo comes anywhere near you-"
"Yeah, I get it Emi. You two have told me plenty of times, okay? This has been going on longer that either of you can imagine! You have no idea what he has done! You don't know what he'll do if he finds out! You will put everyone in danger if you tell any of them! Got it?" I barked. Both of them clenched their fists, but they both knew that neither one of them knew the extent of Hugo's abuse. They had no clue how long it had been, or what else he had done. They knew they couldn't argue so they didn't even try.
"Ivy, we're not gonna tell the others anything." Cass mumbled, "But if they find out-"
"They're not going to find out! Because neither of you are going to tell anyone or do anything, okay? You're going to leave me alone! You're not gonna do anything without me saying it's okay! This is really thin fucking ice you're skating, but I've been skating it longer - okay? I know where's safe to glide and where is going to crack and drown you. Don't fuck around with this there is way too much at stake." I interrupted.
"Ivy? What is going on?" Luca asked from the doorframe, I felt dizzy all of a sudden. I knew that Luca would never let this go, he'd go and beat up Hugo and get himself killed.
"Luca..." I panicked, "Fuck. Um. Right, let me explain."

• • •

I stormed off to the park, to try and let of some steam. I was way too worked up, way too angry. I knew I wanted to kill Hugo, I wanted to march over to his house and beat him up so bad that he'd never be able to walk again.
But I was afraid. Not afraid of Hugo, he didn't stand a chance against me. That's what I was afraid of, myself. I knew deep down I was just like my Dad, I was destined to be just like him. I was afraid I was actually going to kill Hugo, and I'd be a killer. I didn't want that. Ivy would hate me for it, she'd never look at me the same way again.
I sat on the edge of the old stone bridge that went over the stream. I let out a loud roar of anger.
"Rough day, huh?" Teased a voice from behind me. I turned around, it was the pretty girl from the art department.
"I'm sure someone's got it worse off than me." I replied. Ivy sprang to mind, she had it worse than me, because she was still living with abuse, and I know she has anxiety and won't fight back.
"Well." The girl smirked as she sat next to me, "It doesn't mean that your day wasn't bad."
"That's one way of thinking about it." I chuckled under my breath slightly.
"I'm Helen, by the way. I know I didn't introduce myself properly when we first met." She greeted. I nodded my head slightly and looked back at my feet dangling over the edge. She shuffled closer. I looked at her. She had piercing blue eyes, and a cute button nose. She was wearing her hair in a bun with a few rogue strands tucked behind her ears. She had a grey buttoned up shirt on with blue jeans and blue Doc Martins.
          "Can I get your name then, mystery girl?" She asked.
          "I'm Luna." I answered, feeding her intrigue more.
          "Wait, like the new girl? You're the one who made friends with Ivy. Everyone says you're dating, you know." Helen explained. I looked up at her, taken by surprise.
          "Really?" I asked
          "Yeah, and I can see why. You guys are always around each other, plus I know you were bullied for being bi in your old school. Until you broke that kid's arm. I have no clue about Ivy though, she seems like a nice girl. Everyone likes her." Helen rambled.
          "How do you know that? About my old school?" I raised an eyebrow.
         "I have some friends in that old school, they told me about you. Also, you said you weren't straight in the art corridor the other day." She reminded me.
         "Yeah." I realised. The thought that she talked to her friends about me gave me butterflies.
         We sat in silence for a few more minutes.
         "Do you wanna talk about it?" Helen offered.
         "Ivy?" I queried.
         "No, what's up? What's made you so down?" Helen smiled, she was trying to cheer me up.
          "You wouldn't understand." I frowned.
          "Try me." Helen dared.
          "There's... there's this person I care very much about. I just found out this awful thing about them. I want to help, but I know the only thing I can do to help will hurt them more." I sighed.
          "Wow. I wasn't expecting that." Helen blinked, taken aback.
         "Yeah." I grumbled.
          "That doesn't mean I don't want to help, mystery girl." Helen assured me as she placed her gentle hands on my heavy shoulders. "Just tell me what you need."

• • •

"So... you're gay?" Luca asked, just to clarify. I made this whole elaborate story that someone was targeting gay kids in our school and if people found out I was gay I'd be bullied. He'd only heard the last little rant I had about ice, which wasn't very specific so I figured I'd roll with it. I mean, it wasn't a total lie. I was gay. Just... that wasn't what we were talking about, and nobody that I knew of would target me for it. But at least now Luca knew about me, we were twins, not only that but best friends too. I hated keeping secrets from people, but the fact I'd managed to keep this from anyone for this long was a miracle. Especially Luca.
          "Yeah... that doesn't change me, though. It doesn't change who I am. I'm your sister, I'm your twin, your friend. My whole life has just been this huge secret, I've been denying myself of who I was, to make other happy. So I was easier for others to be around. So I wasn't judged, feared or hated. Luca, I love you. I always will and I want you to remember that." I pleaded. Luca slowly looked up at me. A smile grew across his face. He brought me in for a tight hug.
          "Ivy, I knew." Luca laughed.
          "What?!" I exclaimed. Luca let me go and held his hands on my shoulders and stared me in the eyes.
          "It was so obvious. When we were little, you were always closer to girls. Whenever Mum or Dad or Mia ask you about boys you always shift your weight onto your right foot and shuffle your left one. You've always done that when you're lying." Luca smiled. But then his face dropped, he let go of me and sank back into my desk chair. "I wish you'd told me sooner."
          "Luca, I'm sorry, I really wanted to bu-"
          "It's not your fault." Luca interrupted.
          "What do you mean?" I asked.
          "I should've made a safe space for you. I should've told you that it's okay. I shouldn't have let you hang around with my friends, knowing they say "that's so gay". I shouldn't have ever said that around you either, and I'm sorry. I should've built you up and I shouldn't tear you down. I'm your brother, your twin, your friend. I should look after you and bat away those people who discriminate against you, or anyone. I should've gone to pride with you when you asked me because I know you don't like to be in public alone, I was just lazy and selfish and as a result you missed out. I should've always celebrated whenever anything lgbt positive was in the media. I should've asked you about it sooner and prepared some big long speech that would've brought you to tears. I should've found the key to the cage you lock yourself in, no, I should've reminded you that you had the key all along." Luca ranted as he pulled me into his arms. "Ivy, you lock yourself away and you hide who you are, but you don't have to. I am going to support you, I am going to love you, I am going to help you let yourself out of this cage. Ivy, you don't have to hide away, please Ivy don't lock yourself in this cage any longer like some zoo animal people point their fingers at. I want to see you living your life happy and free, no cages, no restraints, just you living your life as the best you that you can be. I'm sorry Ivy I had to find out like this, but now that I know, now that they know. Everyone should know, never apologise for who you are. If others can't handle it then send them packing because you don't need them. Live free, Ivy. Live boldly, live happy. That is all I've ever wanted for you."