im sorry....

to much

"Why is it everything something good happens something bad has to happen?
What's the fucking point anymore, all I do is fuck up anyways." The doctors say telling yourself what's wrong and what ur bad at helps. It didn't.....
"I cause you trouble, and you walk away. I know I did wrong but don't tell me. Just leave like you always seem to. "
"Leaving me alone when I need you most.
But I was there for u to watch you fall and pick you back you. To watch you cry and lift your spirit and this is the thanks I get?!"
"Why do I even try anymore.... For the pain to slap me in the face? To know once more that I fucked up, to say to the world, 'look at me?!' Is that wat it is. Do I look like a joke? I know I'm a joke, I accept the fact like a child accepts a college letter. The truth is to don't know who i am or what i am. I don't know what to do." I told myself earlier this morning while dancing to the music in my head, and staring at the mirror. "Isn't there enough hate isn't there enough truth, ok maybe not truth but something other than lies?" It was early i always get up early trying to smooth my feelings. "They cant know" I tell myself.
I know I'm a fuck up n everything i do and I'm sorry for it all. But wat did I do for you to treat me like shit, when I was there for u. Why slam the door I'm my face when I held it open for u.

I guess this could be seen as a good bye to the world a goodbye to my life;

But I'm not that weak, I maybe weak but not that weak. When u push me down I'll get up; I'll say 'fuck you,' and move on my way. I won't run anymore! Because I'm stronger than that! So don't say I'm nothing only I can say that don't say you love me because I can't even think that.
Don't come crawling to me; to fix the problems. I'm done being the one who laughs at your jokes; who smiles at your annoyingly cute face; I'm done responding to you begging call! I'm stronger than that.
I don't need you to give me a chance NO MORE!
I'll dig myself out of this hole; that will soon be my grave. I'm done and I'm sorry. Truly sorry to let it go like this I'm sorry for the mixed signals I sent. But I'm done being happy for u; now it's my chance to try and be happy for myself in hopes to get to know myself once and for all. I hope......

To be continued.... (Hopefully)