How To Love Someone

"Why couldn't you come to my birthday party, Mark?  I would have loved if you were there, you asked sullenly through the phone. "Your favourite cake was there and everything."

"I'm sorry, (Y/N).  My parents wanted me to go out with them, and I couldn't even get to drop by to give you your present.  I wanted to come, I promise," Mark replied sadly, his ten-year-old voice high-pitched and whiny.

"Oh... okay.  Well, I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow anyway," you sighed.

"Yeah.  I'm sorry again," your best friend muttered.

"It's okay.  There's always next year," you shrugged. "Bye."

"Buh bye," he said, and hung up.

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"Why weren't you at the party last night, Mark?" you asked him in the atrium.  The hallways were empty, having been left a while ago by students, the bell ringing a good twenty minutes ago. "I saved you a drink." He just snorted, shaking his head.

"I'm not cool enough for high school parties, (Y/N).  They didn't even invite me, and you definitely weren't going to sneak me in there."

"I swear to god, Mark, the only reason I went is because of the fact that I thought you would be there!" you told him incredulously, laughing. "I don't get along with any of them!"

"I'm sorry.  You know I'm not into partying anyway.  I had tests and stuff to study for," he grumbled, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly, his dark hair hanging low on his face.  His face was red with embarrassment. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"I'll hold you to that," you sighed. "Let's go to my place."

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"Why weren't you there for my graduation, Mark?" This seemed like a recurring theme now. "I know you dropped out, but you promised you would be there at least to see me get my diploma!" you exclaimed.

"I just couldn't watch you grow up," Mark chuckled, his voice crackling through the bad reception of the phone.  You could hear the stress in his voice.  His YouTube career had just started growing and his channel had gotten bigger and bigger, so you knew he was always stressed with making videos, even though he loved the job.  You sighed, deciding to forgive him yet again.  He was your best friend; it's not like he did it on purpose.  You knew he wanted to be there, he just never had the time.

"Alright, Markle Sparkle," you giggled, trying to lighten the mood.

"I haven't heard that one since high school," he laughed. "I'll make it up to you.  I promise."

"If you say so.  I have to go, but I'll talk to you later?"

"You know it."

"See you," you whispered, hanging up.

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"Why couldn't you be there for my wedding, Mark?" you demanded angrily. "You were supposed to be the best man, Johnathan wanted you to be there and everything!" you told him over the phone, pinching your nose in frustration.

"I... I'm sorry, (Y/N).  I wanted to be there, I swear, but...." He trailed off, but you thought you heard something you couldn't comprehend.

"Just... be grateful that Seán was invited.  Good thing you sent your speech to us to look over, otherwise I would go over to your place and kick your ass," you growled. "Felix was there, too.  Everyone made it.  Ken, Danny, Wade, Bob, everyone.  Except you.  So thanks for being the one friend that didn't come to the most important day of my life." You hung up on him without saying goodbye and walked out to meet your newlywed husband.  There was a ringing inside your purse from your phone, but you ignored it, hopping into your car to go home.

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"Why didn't you make it, Mark?"

The line was silent for a long time.

"The flight was cancelled." Mark's voice was heavy with despair and laced with grief.

"And you didn't book another one?"

Again, silence.  Mark didn't reply as Seán waited over the line, tears in his eyes and his cheeks blotchy. "She was your best friend," the Irishman choke out. "Since you were children, you two were the closest of friends.  And you couldn't even make it to her funeral."

"All... I've ever done is let her down," Jack heard Mark sob from the other end. "I couldn't... I couldn't bear to see her body after the guilt.  I didn't even go to her wedding.  I'm not a friend.  I've missed so many days she invited me to... her parties, her birthdays, her graduation.  I promised to take her to prom, but I was too scared to mess up in from her so I never showed up at her front step.  I got John to pick her up for me instead.  Pathetic, isn't it?  That's how they got close.  I just... I couldn't handle seeing her dead when I never saw her happy.  Not even at her own wedding." Seán's heart softened at that, ever so slightly.

"Why didn't you, Mark?" he questioned, his voice a hoarse whisper. "Go to the wedding?"

Another pause.

"I loved her too much to see her marry someone else," he finally replied.

"Then why didn't you tell her you loved her earlier?"

The silence was deafening.  Seán could hear Mark's sobs from his end of the line.

"Mark?" The Irishman's voice was weak and thick with tears.  Finally, Mark took a deep breath, steadying himself.

"I loved her too much to see her marry me."