Lolita ➸l.s au

[ t w e n t y - o n e ]

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Was my love not enough?
Did I ask too much?
As my heart turns to dust
Over you
-Midnight by Kodaline

——

Silence fell between the two of them that made Louis feel uneasy and uncomfortable, and he didn't fail to show it to Harry who was just staring at him. The huge jacket that was resting on his shoulders made him warm and cozy, although he despises the man beside him, he was still thankful for the source of warmth.
As much as he wanted to speak up, he knew he would quiver under Harry's gaze.

"Why didn't you call me?" Harry broke the silence, and reached for Louis' hand, who flinched at the contact before pulling his hand on his lap. "I waited like a fucking moron for you." His green eyes showed nothing but a cold and dull spark.

The younger boy wanted to fucking laugh at the audacity of Harry. Is he even serious? Waiting for him? What a joke. He rolled his eyes, snapping his head towards Harry.

"Why would I call you when you're busy with your boy toys." Louis chuckles bitterly. He remembers all the hurt and pain the man in front of him had cost, and his adrenaline was full on pumping, wanting to get everything out of his system. "And I didn't ask you to wait for me, did I, Harry?"

Tears were streaming down his face as he hit his lip to restrain a sob from escaping. He didn't want pity, and he was still in public, he couldn't afford getting pitied. He wanted to hit Harry with all his might, and to let him feel all the pain and sadness— but, he wouldn't do that, no, he doesn't wish ill for the man, no matter how much he had hurt him. His parents raised him well enough  for him not to curse someone out.

"Oh, them?" Harry lets out a humorless laugh, and his mind went back to his 'boy toys' who couldn't even compare to Louis. "They don't matter to me."

"Just like how I don't matter to you, yeah?"

Harry wanted to cry. "You matter more than you really should. But you shouldn't expect love from me, Louis, I don't do that." He spoke hoarsely, feeling his own words stuck in his throat. He stares at Louis who was furiously wiping away his tears, and notices how rosy his cheeks were, and how his eyes were glistening with tears.

"Silly me for actually thinking you'd rather have my love reflecting on your eyes, when in reality, you'd rather get drunk and sleep with endless boy toys, than to love me back." Louis mutters, his throat tightening up as his emotions were all over him. The pain in his chest grew ten times larger as the seconds went by. "You took everything from me, you bastard! My fucking heart and my worth, you took it. You bloody tore me into pieces I could never imagined."

"Why did you let me, then?" Harry couldn't help but ask.

"I didn't have the chance to keep you out and break down the walls I built for so long, only for you to break them. You were like a poem that I could never finish because you were also the pen restricting me from doing so. I desperately wanted to be with you, and to understand all of your edges, but you only pushed me away. So tell me, Harry, did you have fun breaking me?" By the time Louis was done, he was trying to catch his breath. His chest was heaving for air, and his hands were balled up. Tear tracks was embedded on his rosy cheeks, and his eyes were still glistening under the moon.

Harry was speechless; his lips were parted, and his eyes were widened as Louis' words sunk in him. He didn't realized how badly he had hurt the boy, and he wanted nothing but to hold him. He has never been this guilty all his life, and another type of feeling was creeping in him.