The voice inside my head.

Part 37: My story.

We met on the same spot on the beach,
The place I'd like to call 'our rock'
We spoke about how we lost contact with each other,
About how things were going on in our lives.

I told you about the new guy I was into.
For a split second I thought I saw a glint of sadness in your eyes,
I asked you if you were alright
You shook it off, saying that you're fine.

After a short moment of silence,
You laughed, making terrible jokes about him,
I laugh along even though I knew you weren't happy
I knew that it wasn't your real laugh.

I tried to read you,
But I couldn't tell,
For you were always good at masking the way you felt.
We spoke for hours before saying our goodbyes,
Because we knew we wouldn't see each other for a while.

After I got home and I couldn't stop thinking about you,
I couldn't picture a world without you,
Or your stupid curls
I realised that I never stopped feeling things I felt about you,
I was just using him to get over you,
I was leading him on,
On to thinking that I would love him back,
Even though I never could,
And never possibly would.

He wasn't you.

We spoke that night on call,
And I told you how I felt
I told you I realised that I didn't like him as much as he loved me,
I heard a bit of hope in your voice when you told me to tell him how I felt,
To tell him the truth,
Before it was too late.

And I did.

I told him.
It broke him,
I know it did,
He cried.

Even though I felt terrible for hurting him,
I couldn't lie to myself,
I couldn't force myself to love him just to make him happy,
I needed to be selfish for once,
I needed to stop leading him on and getting his hopes high,
Only to be shattered into a million pieces in the end.
And even though it hurt him,
He understood.

...
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