sometime around midnight (it ends and starts)

2013

2013.

all her torment and her pain / leaked through and covered me

Something like this was to be expected, Camila just didn't know when exactly it would happen. Lauren had started withdrawing from her in public contexts or when there were cameras around, but she hadn't paid it much mind because they've remained as close as ever in private and that was what mattered the most to her.

She'd cringed a little when Lauren started going all "my boyfriend, yes, my boyfriend, Luis," somewhat too persistently during the interview and the looks she'd exchanged with Dinah were enough proof that she wasn't the only one feeling a wave of second-hand embarrassment.

"I am so tired of this bullshit, Camz," Lauren is saying, now that they're back in the lounge area of their tour bus and the other girls had already gone to bed. "Why can't they respect my relationship?"

Camila winces, and grabs one of Lauren's hands so she sits next to her on the couch instead of pacing back and forth. "Being a fan is... a very unique thing. You love this person so much and you want to support them in everything they do even if they never even know who you are. And somehow you want to see yourself represented in this person – or these people, whatever – so you start projecting ideas onto them."

"But what is it about me?" Lauren asks, a tinge of desperation in her tone that pulls at Camila's heartstrings. "Why do they look at me and think... I'm gay? I have a boyfriend!"

She seems so scared, so small, and she's staring at her like Camila holds all the answers in the universe, so Camila swallows the 'But bisexuals' retort she has on the tip of her tongue and hugs her instead. "I don't know why they do that, but there's nothing wrong with you, okay, Laur? You're perfect."

Lauren smiles – Camila can feel it on her skin – and squeezes her closer.

"Does it bother you, Camz?" She moves a few inches back to fix her with those hypnotizing green eyes of hers. "The camren thing? That there are people out there who have nothing better to do than to obsess about us?"

Camila shrugs, thinking that there are worse ways of developing a fandom than people dreaming about you in a torrid lesbian affair.

Then again, her feelings for Lauren are quite real so it would be hypocritical of her to be bothered by their fans.

"Don't let it get to you," she advises quietly, thumb drawing patterns on Lauren's back. "They can say whatever they want, but you're the only one who knows the truth. We can't control what they say, only what we do."

Lauren nods, drinking in her words as if they're gospel, and rests her head on Camila's shoulder, who feels oddly intimidated by the display of trust. It's a most delicate thing, to have Lauren confide in her about a topic that makes her so uncomfortable, and Camila holds on to it for the treasure it is.

They end up falling asleep right there, and Camila doesn't let go of Lauren until the next morning.

*

every night my mind is running around her / and it's getting louder and louder and louder

Lauren plops her feet down on Camila's legs as she lies back on the tour bus's couch, removing the bookmark from Gone Girl and dropping it on her belly.

Camila hums in greeting, eyes not leaving the copy of The Perks of Being a Wallflower she'd borrowed from her. She loves it because it has passages underlined and notes scribbled all over the margins, making her feel closer to Lauren, as if they're sharing the experience.