Rainbow Pride

That Moment When... {Poetry}

Halfway through Bible camp
Been feeling weird all week
What is this feeling?
It always comes around when she's near
Not something a twelve-year-old
Should really be thinking about
But here it is
She's in the same family group
So can't really avoid her
Why is this happening?
Then it all suddenly makes sense
It's a crush
I have a crush on this girl
How do I have a crush on a girl?
Isn't that weird?
Aren't relationships supposed to be
A boy and a girl?
Not supposed to have a crush on a girl
Supposed to like boys
Supposed to like boys
Supposed to...
I do like boys.
How can I like boys
And have a crush on a girl?
This isn't right
There must be something wrong with me
Bury the feeling deep inside
Bury it so it'll never be found
Never tell anyone
Mom and Dad would be mad
Already know what they'd say
Bury it
Conceal it don't feel it don't feel it
Don't feel it don't feel no no no no
Bury it bury it bury it
Never ever tell anyone ever
Not supposed to like girls...

Two years later
Dance competition is in full swing
Teammates looking over at a cute boy
Looking elsewhere
Looking at a girl in a dance uniform
She looks really good in that outfit
The voice in my head screams
No! You can't have eyes on a girl again!
It's not right and you know it!
Look over at the boy
He is pretty cute
Eyes betray
Gaze swings around to the girl
She's got moves she's got pretty hair
She's got a beautiful face she's got curves
She's got...
Shut up! It's not right!
Only boys can like girls like that
What is wrong with you?
Why are you like this?
Do you want to be a boy?
Is that it?
Is that why you're ogling that girl?
Quit being a freak and like the gender
You're supposed to like!
But is it really that bad?
Why is it bad for girls to like girls
And boys to like boys?
Besides
Do like boys
If you like boys,
Why are you staring at a girl?
Don't know don't know don't know
Can't like girls
Only supposed to like boys
Just boys just boys just boys
Bury it once again
Bury bury bury bury
Until it'll never see the sun again
Conceal conceal conceal
But why?
Isn't it possible to...?
No. Shut up and bury the thought you freak
Freak freak freak
What is wrong with you?
What got broken inside your head?
But can't...?
NO. NO NO NO NO NO
YOU CAN'T
GET OVER IT YOU FREAK
NO NO NO
Bury it again

Three years pass
Speech season is in effect
Doing poetry this year
Watching the girl ahead of me
She's got a powerful voice
She's pretty, too
What would other people think
If they heard you thinking that way?
They'd think you're a freak
Disgusting weird different outcast
Quit thinking about girls
And start thinking about boys
Think about boys again
Like boys, really do
So then why do you see girls
In the same light you see boys?
It's disgusting it's not right
QUIT THINKING LIKE THAT
BURY IT AGAIN
BURY BURY BURY
No. Not this time.
There's something different.
What is it?
What causes these thoughts?
What isn't the same?

Later that night
Scrolling through the internet
Come across a word
Don't know what it means
Bisexual
Look it up
Being attracted to people
Of both genders
Think back to that moment when
Had that first crush on a girl
While liking a boy at the same time
That moment when
Saw a cute girl in a dance uniform
Right after fawning over a boy
That moment when
Listened to a girl at a speech meet
Thinking of her while thinking of boys
Those moments when
Switched from thinking about
Girls to boys to girls to boys and back again
The light switches on
This is the reason
This is why this happens
It's not something wrong or weird
And it's certainly not disgusting
It's just who I am. It's who I've always been
Never bury it again
Never conceal it
Time to be proud
Like both girls and guys
And there is nothing wrong with it
Nothing at all

Next speech meet
See best friend Lucy
It's time
Coming out to first person
We talk for a little bit
And then it comes out
She's happy
She's bi, too
She's proud that it was said
It's not easy to come out, she says
That memory will last forever
That moment when
Those words were first said aloud
I'm bisexual

District speech meet
Been happier since realization
Told more people
More friends, parents too
Lucy and I sit together
With our best guy friend
After a while she says
Something unexpected
Will you be my girlfriend?
Think for a moment, then smile
Yes.