You Are Still Here

Chapter 43

Yun Jin returned to her home in the county. Her mother's arrangements had been more or less attended to. They didn't have many relatives but now that her mother had departed from the world, what did it matter if the funeral was grand or not?

Uncle observed that Yun Jin was not holding up too well and he advised her to rest while he sees to the funeral arrangements. He was absolutely right – Yun Jin was truly weary.

The eve of the funeral, she suddenly thought of some important matters she had to discuss with uncle. He was in the kitchen making a phone call. Yun Jin was wearing home slippers and even when she entered the kitchen, he did not notice her presence.

Uncle was a simple and straightforward man who usually answered his calls in the living room. Most of the time, Yun Jin could make out eighty percent of the conversation. However, here he was speaking in a low voice in a corner. Yun Jin found it highly unusual.

"... Yes, the arrangements are almost complete ... No no I still have to thank you ... Back in the hospital, if it weren't for you ... She's holding up well ... She doesn't know ... That child is just so stubborn ..."

Yun Jin quietly retreated to her bedroom. She knew who was on the other end instinctively. After all these years, she still needed his timely assistance. He had come to her aid, but didn't want her to find out.

She poured herself a cup of tea and took a sip – there was a touch of sweetness in the otherwise bitter taste. She would not tell Cheng Zheng that she had seen him in the hospital. It was a coincidence on her part really – one day, she had seen him hurrying out of the oncology ward. That very afternoon, the consultant brought news of the vacant room. Since Cheng Zheng didn't mention it, neither would she.

So this is what it felt like to depend on someone. She had once thought that she didn't need to rely on anyone but now she finally understood – the more she tried to resolve her issues on her own strength, the more tired she felt under the weight of her burdens. Why should she forsake his genuine concern for her because of her pride? He wasn't giving her charity; it was simply his way of loving her. In the presence of certain people, she needn't put on a strong façade.

She finally had a breakthrough.

That night, her uncle summoned her to the living room. When her mother was still alive, their stepfather-stepdaughter relationship was a respectful one although there was a certain formality to it.

Uncle pushed a small box towards her and said "Yun Jin, I know deep down you've never truly regarded me as a father. I've always wished that you were my own flesh and blood. Now that your mom is no longer around ... this is something she left behind. She would want you to have it. Do you remember the old house you lived in when your father was alive? Your mother could never bear to sell it. A few years earlier, she had changed the title deed to your name. It's yours now. Take it as a token of your parents' love for you and something for you to remember them by."

Yun Jin opened the box silently. There was an assortment of things inside – a few pages of document concerning the title deed, her mother's earrings that she wore on a daily basis, two bank books which amounted to only a few thousands, and many old photographs. There was a family portrait that had been taken when her father was still alive and many photos that depicted her growing up. Most of the photographs had yellowed with age and even had creases at the edges. This was all her mother had.

Yun Jin didn't cry. She caressed the old photographs gently; she could almost imagine her mother's lingering warmth on them.

"Do you know, I used to hate you? Despite knowing that my mom made the right decision in choosing to be with you, I simply couldn't forget about my dad. I hated that you took a portion of her love that was only meant for daddy and me. I even started to give my mom the cold-shoulder ... I'm not a good daughter. Maybe I will never be able to call you daddy but there's still something I have to get off my chest ... thank you. For all you've done. Whether mom is here or not, you'll always be family.