Kather

"I'm not gonna love you like you deserve." He slowly whispered in my ear while still holding his arms around my waist. We were rocking to the music that Marlnia choose for the wedding. These words left me stunned, too stunned to move out of the position he held me in.

"I'm never gonna marry you like you want." He was so calm, too calm, far too calm for what his lips were penetrating. "It's never gonna turn out like you want." I could almost feel his lips brush against my ear.

"What?" I surprised myself by it coming out as a yell. Marlnia kept the music too loud the whole night so I pretty much had to yell anyways.

"What isn't going to turn out." I demanded with my face twisted in confusion.

"Us, Kather. And you knew it too. Don't even pretend like you didn't see it." He had lost the sweetness in his voice.

"W-what" I bring my hand to my mouth.

He takes a long sigh, the kind you take when your dealing with an uncooperative five year old. "Kather, I love you. But I'm never gonna give you what you want."

"And what do I want?" I thought about running then. Just taking off in the crowd. Disappearing.

"You want a real relationship. You want me to come home every night and kiss you goodnight and go to bed in pin striped pajamas. You want me to propose one day and get married and have three kids that I take to school on my way to work as an accountant or dentist." Why three kids? "That's never happening. It's not who I am or who I'll be." Why a dentist? "I love you Kather, but not like you want me too."

I think tears started forming at that point but I don't know why. I wasn't even sad. It was true, I had seen it coming (although I had figured Sean was too busy with other things to actually do something.)

"Kather," he said gripping my arms and holding me inches from his face. "Your too much. Loving you is too much. Your a force to be reckoned with. Every time I see you I feel like something's gonna pop out of my chest. Every time I look at you I feel tired, because that's what loving you does to me. It takes so much power and effort that it makes me tired."

"So what your never gonna marry or your never gonna marry me?" I don't think I was angry anymore. Just tired of him always leaving me in the he dark. But, then again, I had just spend 9 years with this man waiting for him to propose and he just said he wouldn't, so, maybe I was a little angry.

"Both." He stated flatly "but, more the last choice."

I walked outside. I didn't even run, just walked. I walked around the building twice then I got up the nerve to argue with Sean for my keys.