love carrie

"fuck it"

after my second and third period, i made my way through the crowd of people going to lunch. my friends usually wait for me by some lockers but they weren't their. maybe their on there way so i decided to lean on a locker and wait for them there. the halls quickly became empty, there was no sign of them, i guess they went without me.

bitches. i thought to myself

i lift myself up from the locker and i began to walk to lunch. as i walked down the hall i saw the deans office door open, Ryan came out walking the same direction that i was going so he didn't see me.he held a tissue up is nose.

" hey Ryan" i called out.
he quickly turns around and then continues to walk.

" look im sorry that Jacob did that to you but it doesn't mean that its my fault"

he doesn't say anything but continues to walk.

" oh so your mad at me now?"

he finally stops and turns around to look at me and so did i.
" carrie i thought you didn't want me talking to you?"

" it seem like you didn't care when i was with Jacob" i replied.

"it was just to give you the homework..... not because i wanted to" he turned around and kept walking.

i didn't know what else to say, so i started to walking again. Ryan was already out of my sight.
i wanted to apologize to Ryan for being a bitch and say that we can be friends and he was right about what he said other day that im not like them and— i stop myself from the thoughts. maybe im just overthinking, i mean Ryan did provoke the fight,he could've just walked away even though Jacob started it.
i finally arrived to the lunch room and the first thing i notice is the table where i sit with my friends. Rebecca,kelani,and harmony were all there, talking and giggling, i don't know about what.
i quickly walked towards them, as i got closer they started to notice that i was coming and they all immediately stopped talking.
"where were you guys?"i asked.

" we decided to go to lunch early" Rebecca said giving me a petty smile.

then i figured it out, Rebecca wanted to be petty since i said that comment to her.
" your really mad at me?"i said raising my eyebrows.

"no, why would" she chuckled. i could tell it was fake.

"ok" i replied, in a way that i obviously don't believe her. i sat down and i looked at the table where Ryan sits at, there he was with that same notebook. i sometimes wonder what he be doing in that notebook? he took a quick glance at me and then back at his notebook. i farrowed my eyebrows and i turned to look at the girls, they just sat there in silence on their phones. what happened to their chatting and giggling?
now y'all antisocial? i thought to myself.

i turned  around to look at the table where Jacob sits at,and he wasn't there. i guess he's suspended. as i turned back to where i was facing i quickly notice Ryan giving me a quick glance and then back at his notebook. i had this urge to get up and walk over there and ask him what the fuck is he looking at, but i didn't.

i turned back to the girls and they were still silent on their phones. i look back at Ryans table.
damn he is so lonely. i thought.
i wanted to walk over there and sit with him because these bitches are so boring and i wanna better look at that notebook. but that will just ruin my reputation, people will automatically think im a weirdo too.

you know what, FUCK IT im just gonna go. i stood up and slowly walked to Ryans table already regretting it. i came to a stop once i saw two guys coming and sitting at Ryans table. they both had a clipboard with paper on it. i didn't wanna look stupid so i walked passed Ryans table and pretended i was going to the vending machine this whole time.

i was kinda hungry so i look through my bag to see if i had a dollar. i did have a couple quarters in bag so i took out four to make it a dollar and bought chips.