Is It Love- Gabriel's Point of View Season 1

Chapter 15 - In Colin's arms (...or maybe not)

Day by day Claire changes. I feel her miles away even if she stands next to me. I don't know what I am doing wrong. I am afraid I am losing her. I think all this started after Colin told her about his feelings. Maybe she changed her mind and she doesn't want to admit it. I feel that everything I do is not enough to gain her back. I don't want to see her like this. If she thinks her happiness is with him maybe I shouldn't be a barrier. I prefer to be alone instead of seeing her sad by my side.
I return home after work. Claire is here. She is in the kitchen cooking dinner. I hug her from behind and I kiss her neck gently.
"Hello love. How is my angel today?"
"Hello baby. I finish in a minute. Go change and we start eating"
I change my clothes and I go to the dining room. Claire's laptop is on the table still on. She was writing a new song. The title is "I think of you". Mmm, that sounds promising... Maybe she loves me after all. I start reading the lyrics...
(I think of you by Tanita Tikaram)
Night is falling
I think of you
I'm walking home
I think of you
And as he calls me, yes i do
I think of you
How you doing?
I think of you
And i smile, i can't hide
I think of you

I don't know where your days are spent
Your lovers and you friends
But i know for sure
Of who you have been thinking

Far beyond the city's lights
Are two who dream a life
Forgive them if they never find their freedom
Their freedom

It's so late
I think of you
He walks me home
I think of you
I'm so sorry, I'm so tired
I think of you
And in the shadows
I think of you
I close my eyes
I think of you
Now I'm falling
I think of you
I think of you
As he calls my name, yes i do
I think of you
I think of you
I think of you
I think of you
I think of you

And in feeling
I think of you
And in breathing
I think of you
And in seeing
I think of you
And in living
I think of you
Oh, no, no, no. It is obvious that it is not me who she is thinking of. I grab my jacket and my keys.
"I am going out. Don't wait for me"
I don't wait for her answer. I slam the door behind me and I leave. I drive to the first bar that I found. I order a glass of whisky and I start drinking. Why she can't just decide what she wants. She makes all of us miserable. Why I am not enough for her. I changed for her. I waited so long for her to return from her tour all over the world and now that she is finally here I can't have her. She is not mine anymore. I don't see the same passion in her eyes when she is looking at me, I can see only sadness. I feel my phone vibrating. It is her. I don't want to talk to her. I don't know what to say anymore....
After a few drinks I leave the bar and I go to spend the night at the dancing school I opened for my father. I lay on the exercise mattress and I try to stop thinking about her but it is impossible. All our memories are coming to my mind. I can feel the end is close. The only thing I can do is let her decide what she wants. They say if you love someone let him/her leave. If he/she returns back he/she will be yours forever otherwise he/she was never yours. I will wait for her forever. I know I once said to her that I am not a man that she can return to if she leaves but I changed for her. She is worth the waiting.
The morning finds me lost in my thoughts. I have to go to work but first I must change clothes. Crap I have to go home...
I return home and I find Claire in the dining room. The dinner was served. She was waiting for me despite what I said. She has fallen asleep on the chair. I can't leave her like this. I gently take her in my arms and I carry her to the bed. She opens her eyes for a moment and she smiles
"You returned"
"Yes, angel I came back. Now is you turn to come back from wherever your thoughts are"
I change clothes and I go to work. After few hours I take a break and I go for a coffee. I find Matt and Colin talking, they didn't notice me. I hear them talking about Claire. I hide behind some plants. I have to hear this.
"Man I don't know what to do with this girl. She doesn't leave my mind. I can see her in every woman that I meet, in every place I go I feel as she is there with me. I try to sleep with other women but I can't. Yesterday she sent me her new song and asked me my opinion. It was obvious that she has written the lyrics for me. But every time I make a move she shuts me down. I don't know why they are still together. I thought that after I sent her anonymously the photo of Cassidy and Gabriel kissing at the parking lot, she would leave him but nothing happened. I am desperate"
I don't want to hear anything else. That's why she distant herself from me? She thinks I cheated on her with Cassidy? And she didn't say anything? Why?
I take the rest of the day off and I return home. She is waiting for me.
"I thought about what you said in the morning. So you know that my thoughts are somewhere else the last days?"
I nod at her. Fuck it is time to have this conversation. Oh baby please don't leave me.
"Do you know why this happened?"
"No"
I don't want to tell her that I know everything. She doesn't know that this photo is from two years before I met her. And she doesn't know that Colin send it. If I blame him she will not believe me.
"I was away for my tour. I was feeling so lonely without you. I called you one night to hear your voice and feel better but you didn't answer me. I called again and again but nothing. And then I received this from an unknown number". She gives me her phone.
The bastard erased the date and left only the time.
"So what do you have to say? This is the business that you had to do and you couldn't talk to me? I was waiting for you to say something all these days, to feel ashamed and ask for forgiveness but nothing. I rejected every other man to be with you. I even paused my international career because I didn't want to be away from you anymore and you... you found comfort in another woman's arms... I could forgive you if you asked but you were acting as nothing happened. How could you?"
"If that is what you think of me I can't change your mind. If you will be happier with another man the door is open, you can go. If I am not enough for you I cannot do anything else. I thought you trusted me. I thought you believed in our love as much as I do. This photo is from long ago. I didn't cheat on you. I love you... now and forever. And if you decide to leave I will wait for you... forever if it is necessary"
Tears fall down from her eyes...
"I thought you said you are not a man that I can return to if I leave"
"Yes but now I know you worth the waiting"
"I... I don't know what to say... I don't know what to believe. I... I just need some time alone to clear my thoughts"
That was the final thing she said to me before she left. It has been three weeks since then. I miss her so much. I still hope that she will return one day...